he’s a goober.  if you’ve been reading my blog lately, you know who i’m talking about.  i have hard evidence. i had to train him today. instead of admitting he didn’t know how to do something,  he would just say “oh, i haven’t done that in a while. i forgot how…” he forgot … i’m sure. he is a GOOBER.  i think he started to feel comfortable with me so he was asking me how to do everything causing me to fall behind on my jobs.  i know he’s new and everything but someone in his position needs to be more assertive.  surely he organised a meeting between him, me and someone else in the business and he just sat there like a dope and didn’t say anything.  we sat and stared at each other until i started talking and leading the conversation.  he didn’t say a word except for ”hello, here’s my business card.”  whoopdee-fu*king-do.  my 2 year old nephew could do that.  then he got an email from someone … 
DB: i just got this email from [name].  how do i respond?
Me:  via email.  you hit the reply button at the top of the message.  want me to show you?
DB:  that’s not what i meant
Me:  i was kidding .

i think maybe he thinks i’m supposed to be his mentor.  nope.  he’s supposed to be my mentor.  that scares me.  a lot. 

whinge whinge whinge. but now i feel better.  deep breaths. 

it has been a bumpy crazy week and i know i haven’t written a lot but that will all change soon.  i feel the winds shifting in my favour for once.  it’s friday after all and the brit and i are watching an opera tomorrow and i’m buying a new  iMac on sunday.  exciting. 

my book reading is falling behind.  i’m struggling through Middlemarch and i don’t think i’ll ever finish Gaudete.  i may have to switch it with “the very hungry catepillar.”   i feel like i’m so behind on everything and it’s all because of my poopy job.

DB survives another day.  barely.

so today is douchbag’s first day.  my manager took the two of us out for coffee.  great.  luckily for me it was noisy so i pretended to not hear what douchbag was saying to me.  i kept saying “what????” i have to train him this week and next week.  i so can’t wait.  i have been pleasant though.  supernice guy is amazed that i’ve been so nice.

in an interesting twist,  my manager pulled me into a meeting room to have a discussion with me.  as we were walking,  douchbag looked at us and said “do you need me to be in this?”  my  manager said no.  i think i may have given him a look equivalent to sticking my tongue out.  anyway,  my manager premised our talk by saying “i don’t want to talk to you about this but i will.”  and then his bloody blackberry went nuts and he had to excuse himself while he asserted his power over the weak.  i sat there freaking out.  was i in trouble?  what did i do?  did he find out about the moldy jellybean i put in douchbag’s pencil tray?  i thought about all the shoes under my desk i would have to lug home when he fired me.  as it turned out,  the job i went for before that fell through is back on again.  they want me.  they are willing to pay (they say).  WTF?  my manager said that he wass reluctant to tell me because he doesn’t want me to go.  same song and dance as last time.  this time i didn’t care.   professional decorum was not even a considertion.    i told him that i’m jaded and angry and as much as i want everything that has happened to be water under the bridge, i’m still really angry.  i think i even used the phrase “dicking me around” and i definitely used the word “bitter” more than once.  my  manager, somewhat taken aback couldn’t argue with me and actually apologised.  he asked how he could make it better and i said the damage is done.  walking out of that meeting room, i felt the most serenity i have ever felt since starting here.  my manager, trying to make amends i’m sure,  went out and bought me lunch and a coffee.

DB has been locked in a room with my manager for the past two hours and when i walked by, i think i saw DB’s eyes watering.  i almost felt sorry for him.  almost.  because of that, i won’t penalize him for going home before me…just for today.

in other happenings,  there aren’t many other happenings.  work seems to be dominating.  and i’m lame and don’t go out anyway.

and so it begins.  supernice guy and i are cleaning up our work area in preparation for douchbag on wednesday.  that also means preparing douchbag’s desk.  normally when i have a new starter,  i hook them up with supplies and notebooks and everything they could possibly need.  supernice guy and i have cleaned his desk out of the good supplies and have supplied his desk with the following:

• pens with no caps that we found under my desk
• broken stapler with no staples
• individual staples to use with aforementioned stapler
• broken paperclips
• leftover plastic cutlery and paper plates from our last treat day
• phone cord
• a jellybean that i found behind my desk (mushy and fuzzy.  yum)
• a long foamy thing what we decided was a wrist thingy for your keyboard
• post-it note pad with 3 post-it notes left
• OK! magazine from last year

welcome aboard!

today is monday.  tuesday is a public holiday in melbourne.  wednesday douchbag starts.  i may possibly have to work on tuesday which means i will have the place to myself,  i can take the screws out of his chair and plant gay porn on his computer.  i won’t, but maybe i will.  i probably won’t.  he’ll be his own undoing,  especially since most everyone here is quite dubious of his arrival.  i kind of feel sorry for the poor bugger…well, not really.

yesterday i felt sick thinking about it.  i can’t seem to stop the bile rising to my throat when i think of him being my new boss and that i’ll have to train him.  me and supernice guy have a list about a mile long of all the things that we’re going to offload.  we will ensure that he will not leave the office no earlier than 8pm every night.  suck it up dude.  we’ve beein doing his job for the past two months.  its his turn now.

i have to offset my previous whinge with some lovings.  things i am loving…

1. the Brit.
2. the warmer weather.
3. scribblenauts (my new DS game!).
4. ms. marple.
5. wearing my slippers under my desk.
6. sleep.
7. arrested development.
8. cake.
9. the coffee machine at work.
10. knowing i’m way better than douchbag.

1. my job.
2. being at my job.
3. doing my job.
4. getting out of bed for my job.
5. having to do my job on saturday, sunday and on the public holiday.
6. staying late because other people can’t do their job.
7. coming early becaue other people can’t do their job.
8. dark cirlces under eyes caused by my job.
9. the fact that i’m still at my job.
10. my job doesn’t pay enough.

need…
      cocktail…
                hate…
                         job

incredibly busy at work.  the brit too at his new job.  i’m wearing loads of concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes.  my project is in phase 3…or it still may be in phase 2.  i’m not sure, i don’t care.  i’m churning things out at quickly as i can and not paying attention to the matrix my manager has lovingly created in excel (he loves excel.  he thinks it’s god’s gift (to nerds). 

promise to write more soon.

i love the weekend phone calls to my parents.

on not calling last weekend:
mom:  how come you didn’t call last weekend? 
me:  i got the times mixed up and by the time i realised it was too late over there.
mom:  well we thought maybe something was wrong.
me: i would’ve called if something happened.
mom:  how do i know that? 
me: you know i would
mom: no i don’t
me: yes you do
me: no i don’t
at this point i hear my father yelling in the background
mom:  your dad says you wouldn’t call and we’d have to read about it in the newspaper
me: i don’t think australian news travels that far

on the Brit losing his job:
mom:  OH MY GOD!
she shrieks this over the phone shattering my eardrum and causing all the neighborhood dogs to howl.
me:  it’s okay.  he’s got a-
mom:  are you going to be alright?  you’re going to have to move out of that house! and you can’t shop anymore.  oh my god!  maybe you should move back home.  oh wait, it’s bad here too!  this is terrible news!
me:  it’s not that bad really mom.  he has a new job and it’s more money.
mom:  oh,  then you’re okay.  i hope you’re cooking him dinner every day.

on my sister:
mom:  you never call your sister
me:  she never calls me.  and besides, i email her every now and then.
mom: you are so lazy.
me: you never call me!  you’re lazy!
mom: i don’t know where my calling card is.
me:  mmm hmmm.

on the weather
me:  it’s starting to get warm here.
mom:  what are you wearing?
me:  a dress and flip flops
mom:  i hope you shaved your legs and you’re not showing your boobs.
me:  mom! 
mom:   and i hope you are washing your underwear.  your husband will divorce you.
me:  okay.

on chores:
mom:  what’s [the brit] doing?
me:  cooking me breakfast
mom:  why?
me:  because he makes good breakfast.
mom:  you should cook for him. you are his wife.  he’s probably mad but not saying anything.
me:  he’s not like that.
mom: how do you know?
me: because i know.
mom:  are you sure?
me: yes
mom:  i hope you’re doing something to contribute.
me:  i do a lot.
mom:  shopping is not a contribution.

ah bless her.  i’m sure she thinks that i can barely feed and clothe myself.  my father never really wants to talk to me.  his preferred method of communicating is yelling things at my mother to tell me.  if he answers the phone,  we have about two minutes of awkward conversation about the rain/snow and then he hands me off to my mother because he’s busy watching the basketball game/jeopardy!/the news.  i despair the fact that i have to call them every weekend (if i don’t, they assume the worst like a dingo stole me) and i flail about the place before i actually do pick up the phone.  but i always feel better when we hang up.  i do miss them  and it’s good to talk to them and catch up on things and go over my shortcomings as a wife (again).  family is good.