telephone interview.

I can group them in three different categories

Liars
me: … just out of curiosity, what is the difference between helvetica and arial.
interviewee:   you wouldn’t notice the difference unless you really knew what to look for.
me: yes, so what do you look for?
interviewee:  it’s all in the details
me:  yes, so what are those details?
interviewee:  do i need to know this for the job?
me: no, but you say you know the difference in your cover letter.
interviewee:  oh, i didn’t think you would ask.

Overshare
me:  hello.  is this [name]?
interviewee:  yes.  sorry.  can you hear me okay?  i’m in the bathroom. 
me:  um, do you want me to call back at a better time?
interviewee:  no it’s okay.  i’m almost done.
me:  how nice.

Insult potential boss
me:  how do you feel about working with tight deadlines?
interviewee:  well, it depends how tight the deadline is.
me:  deadlines here are usually less than an hour.  sometimes they only give you 15 minutes.
interviewee:  oh, i wouldnt’ cope well at all.  but then you just tell them they can’t have it.
me:  sometimes, though, you can’t say that to a client
interviewee: then you need to manage the work better

what do i talk about now?

the dramas with my job have been endless blog fodder for weeks and now that it’s over,  i have no idea what to talk about.  is my life really that boring?

on friday i told my manager that i needed to think about my future and that may possibly mean tendering my resignation on monday which elicited the desired response from my manager: “let’s talk monday and talk about making you happy so you’ll stay.”  i didn’t get my hopes up though,  i now see how things work around here.  and it’s not like i was really going to quit (right away).   i need to get my permanent residency first and they’re paying for it. 

other than feeling sorry for myself about my job,  we didn’t do much else this past weekend.  we went to a 40th birthday party on sunday where the kids outnumbered the adults.  my throat was hoarse from having to talk over the shrieking munchkins.   when they brought out the birthday cake with 3 feet of icing on it,  we knew it was time to leave.  my ears were ringing after the party like i had been to a metallica concert.  children are loud.

monday came and i had to go in at 6am for a huge project so by the time we had our talk at 3pm,  i was shit for brains. i said everything i wanted to say – i printed out an email from the brit outlining what i should say.  i ticked the points off as i went along but my supporting arguments were probably fragmented and muddled.  that’s what you get for pulling me out of bed at 4am.  in the end,  i’m getting a payrise and more responsibility and i don’t have to report to the douchbag which makes me happy for now.  when the douchbag does start,  we’ll see what happens.   i may have to make him cry to understand how things really are meant to be here.

so it’s a new week now and i am officially moving forward and not dwelling.  so no more feeling sorry for myself and whinging (about the job only -  there’s always something else to be melodramatic about).  since i’ll be around for the grand arrival of the douchbag,  i’m sure he will entertain me (and you) for months to come.  let the good times roll.

shit day.

recap.

7.45 am  walked to work while pissing down rain.  stepped in a puddle and had wet stockings and cold toes.  great start to my day.

10:00 am  found out about job.  turned out to be completely different than what i wanted,  no pay rise and i would actually be doing the same thing i do here.  very hard to control my anger.  they kept me in suspense for weeks over this? 

8:00am – 4:45pm  worst job in the world but in the end,  i turned it into a piece of art.  everyone was well pleased.

2:30pm  went downstairs for fresh air.  it started to rain. 

4:58pm  found out that the external client decided to scrap the piece of art that i worked on all day and revert back to the ugly 80’s original version because they couldn’t get the font to work on their computer and I.T.  was out partying for Grand Final weekend.  WTF?!

5:02pm  just found out that everyone else wants to use the one that i designed so may have to come in on sunday and fix it after stupid external client gets done mucking around with it.

the one bright spot?  it’s friday.

drum roll please…

nothing! he has the day off today.  nice, right?  supposedly i’m supposed to hear something tomorrow.  f*cking tomorrow.  tomorrow is the mythical unicorn that, when it finally does appear,  will gouge out my soul with its horn and stomp on my heart with its hoof.  unicorns are dumb.

my theory about that alien (see link in my previous post) is that it actually was a human sitting around waiting to hear about a job and the agony mutated him into that creature.   he actually told the kids to throw rocks at him to kill him and end his misery.  it’s just a theory.

more talking about nothing.

yep.  just keepin’ it real.  just waitin’. haven’t heard a peep.  i’ve talked to the manager at the other site because his staff is severely understaffed and need extra help for the week so i’ve been calling around to our other sites and even getting my own team to pick up an extra shift here and there.  this is douchbag’s job especially since it’s douchbag’s site that i am staffing.  amazing, i can do both jobs at both sites at once.  so i’ve talked to him but not about the job or when we’ll meet to talk about it or not even an acknowledgement that i’m waiting.  i’m tired.  i’ve given up.  i wore a maxi dress and uggs to work knowing that he wouldn’t want to meet today.  how’s that for defeat (and not to mention blatant disregard for our corporate attire policy)?

it’s a colleague’s birthday today and for once i decided to be social and stand around with everyone and make small talk while we wished him a grrrreat birthday.  my main motivation was food.  i didn’t have brekkie or lunch and a cupcake was sounding really good even at the expense of smiling fakely and making pleasantries with people i have nothing in common with.    it at least took my mind off my crap job and now  i have a fantastic sugar high.

i have gathered most of my paperwork for my visa application. i’ve done more today than i have in the three years i talked about getting my residency.  immigration laywer with comb-over is pushing me to get the stuff done so i guess that’s all i needed.  it’s the power of the comb-over. 

so,  did you all hear about the “alien” they found in panama?  i love the story.  the kids say it was alive but then they threw rocks at it and killed it.  E.T. would’ve been a way shorter movie if they set it in panama.

this weekend is the Grand Final.  i think it’s sort of the equivalent of the super bowl but for australian rules football which, by the way,  i don’t get.  it’s one of the only sports i can think of that rewards you for innaccuracy. seriously,  if  you kick it through the uprights,  you get 6 points,  but if you miss,  that’s okay,  you’ll get a point anyway.  it’s like getting 1 point in basketball if you shoot and it rolls around the rim but doesn’t go in.  i call it the “at least you tried” point.   it’s the weekend i avoid going out because everyone and their mullet is out at the pub watching it and drinking lots of VB (that’s the champagne of beers in australia) and acting really blokey.  no thanks.  the office is buzzing and it’s all anyone can talk about.  when they try to talk to me about it i tell them that the only sport i follow is men’s figure skating.  that shuts them up immediately and they go away.  you should try it sometime (not recommended if you’re a boy).

okey dokey friends.  until tomorrow. 

this is where i bitch and feel sorry for myself.

can you believe my meeting today to discuss my job got postponed?!  he said maybe tomorrow.  there we go again.  tomorrow. 

i am wearing my “i’m-a-serious-professional” dress today and it is also the most uncomfortable one that i own.  i am suffering for nothing!

hate today.

hate “tomorrow”.

in this one i just babble.

so,  we’re trying to hire people for sydney and melbourne and one of the applicants forwarded us a link to their blog.  um, yeah,  probably not a good idea to do that if you’re going to post daily about your adventures in binge drinking and puking on public transport. 

it seems that i have a new responsibility and that would be writer.  my manager writes reports and sends them to me to re-write/wordsmith.  i’m not a writer, it’s not my thing.  it all started when i happened to see something he wrote (which was atrocious) and i crossed it all out and rewrote it for him.  i should’ve learnt my lesson.  if i didn’t have a job offer coming to me on monday then i might complain,  but i’ll keep my mouth shut…for now.

no job news today but i didn’t expect there would be.  monday is the day and it better happen that day or else  i will lose it.  ever see michael douglas in that movie “falling down”?  that’ll be me.  except cuter.  and in more stylish clothes.

it’s official,  i’m getting my permanent residency. i know, i know, i’ve talked about it in the past and my airy fairy deadline for getting the paperwork done but it’s getting done now for real.  my company is paying for half and they even hired me a migration attorney to do most of the work.  he actually sounds kind of dodgey but i looked him up on the immigration website and he’s legit.  i talked to him on the phone and he sounds like a portly man with a double breasted pin stripecd suit and massive comb over.  i’ll never know.  he lives in brisbane so our correspondence is via email and phone.  he says i should get it in 6 weeks.  yay…i guess.  the word “permanent” really freaks me out. 

once i’m a resident,   i’ll be eligible for the government run socialist healthcare called Medicare (oooh scary).   i’ll probably keep my private health insurance not because the public healthcare is bad, but because i’m american,  i like jumping through hoops,  and if i don’t have health insurance, i freak out.  oh, and it’s really cheap,  like $187 a month for the same type of plan i had in america that cost a trillion times  more.  the Brit is on Medicare and doesn’t complain.  can go to the doctor when he wants,  can go to specialists and doesn’t have to wait.  he says it’s not as good as the health system in england but it’s waaaay better than what we’ve got going on in america.  there’s nothing to be afraid of government healthcare but maybe it’s easier for me to say that since i’m on the other side of the fence.  and i tried to convince my parents that it was all good when i was home last time but i always get dismissed as the liberal black sheep of the family.  my parents and sister are die hard republicans.  it makes family get togethers fun.  we used to get into heated arguments but not anymore.  they just feel sorry for me and send me emails with religious overtones to try to make me more conservative.  i set up a rule in my outlook to delete those.

the dinner menu at work got sent around early today so i actually got to have a peek a few minutes ago.  the restaurant is asian but yet there is chicken parmagiana on the menu.  wtf?  chicken parma is on every frackin’ menu at every restaurant i’ve been to.  it’s at every takeaway place down the road from work – the ubiquitious chicken parma sandwhich/wrap/panini.  it is to Austalia what potato skins are to America.  not a bloomin’ onion in sight though.

it’s finally friday and i am thrilled.    we are seeing a broadcast of “la boheme”‘ from convent garden tomorrow at the cinema and other than that,  we have nothing going on.  i plan on lounging around in my jammies and watching period dramas and reading books.  i started “bleak house” months ago and i’m not even halfway through it.  i’m going to have to start it over again just to get the characters straight.  and i downloaded a “welcome to australia, life in victoria” booklet today from the immigration website.  maybe i’ll read that too. i started reading it and got up to the point where it said that “in Australia,  we do not kiss or hug people we don’t know”.  yeah, in america, if that happened, you’d get maced in the eye.  weird.

have a nice weekend peeps! i’ll talk to you monday.  peace out.

told you so.

while i was able to avoid going to dinner with douchbag last night,  super nice guy and other manager guy had to go.  last thing they said to me was “maybe you’re wrong about him…”

i know it’s immature and selfish,  but i can’t help but gloat.  the consensus is that he is an idiot and no one can believe that soon we will be reporting to him. 

what’s the lesson here?  i am always right.

update?

i had a moment yesterday of sheer frustration so i called the ops manager at the other site to ask him what the status of the job is.   i left him a message and about an hour later i got an email from him.

he told me that the client has put a new spin on the role and would like to discuss with me on monday.  great, more talking.  so over it.  my boss is down from sydney and i spent about twenty minutes venting my frustrations over the whole thing.  i was actually digging for info from him because i know he’s been talking to the ops manager.  he thinks the scope of the job may be scaled back but he’s not sure.  now i have to wait til monday.  wtf?

the good news is that i got out of dinner tonight.  i almost sneezed on him and spent the rest of morning sniffling and coughing.  the brit thinks i have an extra bladder in my throat that produces nothing but snot.  i shared this theory with my manager and disgusted him enough for him to tell me that it was okay if i didn’t go to dinner tonight.  score!  probably better for everyone involved.  the manager will introduce douchbag to everyone but he won’t be able to finishe because i will have to do a kanye west and extoll my own virtues and say i should have gotten the job.  that could get awkward.

my manager may have felt some vindication on having not chosen me for the job for several reasons.  we were going out for coffee and i was buttoning up my coat and my manager had to point out that i buttoned it wrong.  i walked into the door on our way.  when we got there,  i ordered a muffin and got powdered sugar all down the front of my black dress.  he also pointed out that i somehow managed to get sugar on my forehead (you should’ve seen the look on his face).  i thought i’d gulp the last of my hot chocolate and missed my mouth.  on our way out,  i walked into a table and almost got run over by a car crossing the street…  when we were heading back in the lift,  my manager says “i won’t tell the manager at the other site about this.”  good thing he didn’t know that i almost walked out of the house this morning with my dress inside out (thanks brit!).

speaking of the brit,  he insisted that we watch “gone with the wind” yesterday.  that is the longest fracking movie ever.  we started it at 4pm and it was bedtime by the time it was over.  scarlett o’hara is the most annoying person ever and she puts being a princess on a whole new level.  the movie is good, but i could only watch it once in my life so yesterday was one time too many for me.  i was relieved when i was finally able to delete it from our DVR.  my turn to pick the movie tonight.

 

 

is it tomorrow yet?

word on the street is that they are trying to come up with a job title.  are they f*cking kidding me?  i’m hanging in limbo, on the verge of losing it,  hating the world because they don’t know what to call me?  good god.  i was reading some blog posts on Huffington Post today and people have as their titles things like activist, advocate,  socialite.  can you be more vague?  yeah, i can be all those things too (except socialite,  i hate people).  it’s like the people who put “admin” as job skill in their cv.  care to elaborate?  so anyway,  i don’t care what they call me as long as they pay me more money and it gets me the hell out of dodge.  i prefer to have the title “misanthrope” but for some reason, i don’t think that implies client service.  oh well,  i just hope they pull their thumb out long enough to make a decision and give me long enough to decide to tell them to go to hell…. actually,  i’ll probably say ‘yes’ but i wanted to sound all tough and angry.  did it work?

i was hoping to hear something by at least today.  boss man in town again tomorrow and he’s making me go to dinner with him, douchbag,  super nice guy,  and a couple other managers.  if i have the job secured and  a nice big pay rise,  i can assert my “i’m better than you” vibe.  if i don’t,  i’ll just have to resort to my “i can’t believe you walk upright” vibe.  they may sound similar,  but the former is born out of truth while the latter is just bitterness.  they are completely different … like zoolander’s blue steel and le tigre.

it may not matter because i’m formulating my plan to get out of dinner which will most dismay super nice guy.  i have a cold (stupid melbourne weather) and i can try to milk that tomorrow.  my manager is a complete germaphobe and will not want to go near me.  usually the brit looks at me disapprovingly when i try to come up with an excuse to miss the team dinners,  but this time he is completely supportive.  he’s had it with them too! 

i finally unpacked my suitcases from our holiday a month ago.  i don’t have enough hangers or closet space so they now are neatly piled in a corner and my shoes are piled in another corner but hey,  at least it’s out of the suitcase.  the brit tattled to my mother that i still haven’t unpacked my suitcases and that unleashed the “wifely duties” speech from my mother (which, btw, has nothing to do with unpacking a suitcase).

perhaps my job title should be procrastinator.