is it tomorrow yet?

word on the street is that they are trying to come up with a job title.  are they f*cking kidding me?  i’m hanging in limbo, on the verge of losing it,  hating the world because they don’t know what to call me?  good god.  i was reading some blog posts on Huffington Post today and people have as their titles things like activist, advocate,  socialite.  can you be more vague?  yeah, i can be all those things too (except socialite,  i hate people).  it’s like the people who put “admin” as job skill in their cv.  care to elaborate?  so anyway,  i don’t care what they call me as long as they pay me more money and it gets me the hell out of dodge.  i prefer to have the title “misanthrope” but for some reason, i don’t think that implies client service.  oh well,  i just hope they pull their thumb out long enough to make a decision and give me long enough to decide to tell them to go to hell…. actually,  i’ll probably say ‘yes’ but i wanted to sound all tough and angry.  did it work?

i was hoping to hear something by at least today.  boss man in town again tomorrow and he’s making me go to dinner with him, douchbag,  super nice guy,  and a couple other managers.  if i have the job secured and  a nice big pay rise,  i can assert my “i’m better than you” vibe.  if i don’t,  i’ll just have to resort to my “i can’t believe you walk upright” vibe.  they may sound similar,  but the former is born out of truth while the latter is just bitterness.  they are completely different … like zoolander’s blue steel and le tigre.

it may not matter because i’m formulating my plan to get out of dinner which will most dismay super nice guy.  i have a cold (stupid melbourne weather) and i can try to milk that tomorrow.  my manager is a complete germaphobe and will not want to go near me.  usually the brit looks at me disapprovingly when i try to come up with an excuse to miss the team dinners,  but this time he is completely supportive.  he’s had it with them too! 

i finally unpacked my suitcases from our holiday a month ago.  i don’t have enough hangers or closet space so they now are neatly piled in a corner and my shoes are piled in another corner but hey,  at least it’s out of the suitcase.  the brit tattled to my mother that i still haven’t unpacked my suitcases and that unleashed the “wifely duties” speech from my mother (which, btw, has nothing to do with unpacking a suitcase).

perhaps my job title should be procrastinator.

wtf?!

no word on the job yet.  they said the would make their decision by early this week and it’s thursday in oz already.  seriously,  does it take that long to draft my offer letter?  ha!  now i’m really antsy and i just want to know either way.  this is cruel and unusual punishment and while i’m enjoying my holiday,  this is always looming at the back of my mind.  not very nice.  to be honest,  i’m not feeling very optimistic now.

had a marathon shopping day and i think i’ve bought enough stuff to clothe a small country so i’m done.  it’s a good thing there isn’t enough time for us to shop in atlanta or else we’d be in trouble.

my parents decided to treat us out to dinner at the japanese all-you-can-eat buffet.  mmm, sushi.    great news for everyone not allergic to fish and seafood.  my parents are still in denial and decided that i can’t be their child.  my mother tried to get me to eat lobster to see what would happen and my dad got me a salmon roll.  i was soo grouchy.  the only things i could really eat was the steak and the strange asian desserts.

i got a manicure today and i was talking to the gal and she asked me where i was living.  i said australia and she said that she knew i wasn’t from around here.  she says that i have an australian accent.  seriously,  wtf?  i wanted to tell her that i was actually born and raised just a few minutes away but that would mean engaging her in a conversation about my life.  not interested.  the nail polish couldn’t dry quick enough.

we’re off to atlanta tomorrow.  i am horribly sick with a fever and really bad cough.  i’m trying to hide it from my parents by taking lots of tylenol and coughing violently in another room.  if my parents knew how sick i was, they wouldn’t let me on that plane.  i’m trying hard to not act sick.  mind over matter.

the Brit and i decided to try to pack all of our crap in one bag for atlanta.  brilliant idea.  not.  the brit decided to take as many shoes and outfits as me.  he’s such a girl.  miraculously,  we managed to get it to fit though i have to shove a pair of heels in my carry on.  i saw the Brit pack a jumper and i looked at him like “do you know how hot it’s going to be down there?”  i couldn’t say anything though because i packed 7 dresses.

we’re back from atlanta next tuesday at about 10am.  there will probably be some radio silence from me till then as there are loads of wedding activities planned so i don’t foresee time to blog.  with me being sick,  we’re going to play it by ear -  i may spend quite a bit of time in the hotel room.  you never know – i may feel better tomorrow.  i’ll talk to you all soon.

hangin’ with the rents

yeah,  we’re watching ‘wheel of fortune.’  it’s so good to have some decent filipino food.  my mom is the best cook ever and i try to cook the same things as her, but it never turns out the same. 

the Brit and i spent the entire day shopping again.  add to my growing list 3 more dresses, another pair of shoes,  trousers, 3 video games and a new bag.  i wasn’t planning on getting another bag but it’s the Brit’s fault.  the shop he wanted to go to was next to the Kate Spade store and it’s just a given that i’ll buy something.  i’ll need to get a second job when we get back to australia.  i’m spending money like i got the new job already.

i haven’t heard anything yet, and i’m obsessively checking my email every hour.  even my parents are telling me to calm down.  as i am typing this right now,  they are asking the Brit where he finds the patience to put up with me.  i love being talked about in the third person when i’m right there.  time to go and defend myself.  i knew my parents loved my husband more than me.

p.s.  the Brit is really getting into ‘wheel of fortune.’

stimulating the economy.

our first day in america and what do we do?  shop!  i’m feeling like myself again…except for hitting a wall at about 1pm and wanting to crawl inbetween the clothes racks and nap.  in the country for less than 24 hours and i already have 5 new dresses, a few new tops, 2 new pairs of pajamas, and 5 new pairs of shoes.  The brit is proud that i’m showing some restraint compared to last year.  i told him that i’m just getting warmed up.  i already told my mother that i’ll need to borrow another suitcase for the trip home.

it’s 4.45pm now and i want to go to bed but i’m going to try to stay up another few hours. it’s hot here too and i’m not used to it.  it’s weird to be able to go out in a dress and flip flops when all i seem to do in australia lately is put on layer upon layer of clothing to stay warm. 

i haven’t heard anything about my job yet, not like i expected to yet…it’s only monday morning in oz.  i made the mistake of telling my parents about the job so now every time my parents see me on the computer, they ask me if my boss emailed me yet.  doesn’t help the nervousness. 

time for a nap.  for the rest of the week,  i’m going to show the Brit all the great shopping there is to do in michigan.  at the rate i’m going, i’ll need to borrow more than one suitcase.

friday.

finally.  i had the crappiest night’s sleep every last night so i can barely keep my eyes open today.  only 2 more hours to go…

we have a fancy ball to go to tomorrow.  i told the Brit a couple of weeks ago that we had to go because a girlfriend of mine invited us and we all know of my inability to make friends in oz.  it’s the day before now and, to be honest,  i really can’t be bothered to go now.  that’s me being crap.  maybe it’s cuz i’m really sleepy and i can’t be bothered to do anything at the moment.  of course we’ll go and ill have fun and i’ll be happy that we did go,  but just thinking about the effort makes me feel even more lethargic.   ooh, maybe i’ll remember to take some pictures.

i have informed my family of our visit at the end of july and received an email from my sister with about fifty exclamation marks (she’s a bit excited) but didn’t hear anything from my parents.  i told the Brit that my parents aren’t excited to see us and i don’t want to go now.  the Brit tells me that they just don’t know how to work their email and to stop being psycho.  he’s right.  whenever i tell my mother that we’re coming home for a visit she tells me to triple check with the immigration peeps to make sure it’s okay for me to travel on my visa because i can’t stay with them if they won’t let me back in Australia and they doubt the Brit would stick around with me.  how’s that for familial love?

this morning,  i was sitting at my desk lamenting the new blister on my foot when i colleague of mine limped into work, cursing her high heels.  ah, i’m not the only one!  so i started thinking about the ideal high heel shoe for me would be an Ugg boot with a high heel – but a super thick heel so i can’t fall over.  for summer, it would be a birkenstock with the same kind of heel.  yeah, i know, not very attractive but i bet they’d be super comfy.  when i went on my lunch break, i walked to the food court a block away and found myself behind a cute wispy girl with similar heels to mine.  the difference between her and i was that she walked like a normal person.  i was walking like i just had my feet bound.  i tried to keep pace with her but had to stop, sit down and regain feeling in my toes.  i don’t know why i bother.

til monday my friends. 

scare tactics and other tuesday happenings.

so i’m sick today.  sneezing, coughy, nasty sick.  everyone at work is telling me to go home because swine flu is going around and i should be careful.  since when is swine flu “going around” in australia?  last i checked, there were zero cases here and i don’t remember being in mexico lately (however now i have an urge for mexican food).  they’re just trying to scare me i think.  it’s not working.  oink oink i say!  i do feel pretty miserable though.  it’s because i haven’t worked out but now i don’t feel like it because i feel wretched.  oh! what a tangled web i weave!

today i did an entire design job with my right hand whilst holding/eating a cheese cracker with my left.  it wasn’t the most complicated of jobs but i felt well pleased with myself once i sent that baby back to the client.  i wanted to add a p.s. at the end of my email (which i typed with one hand) telling him of my amazing accomplishment but i didn’t think he’d care.  the sketch he brought over now has little grease spots where cheese cracker crumbs fell on to the page,  a true mark of my achievement.  i was quite relieved when he didn’t ask for it back. 

i had a dream last night that i got fired and woke up all freaked out.  it’s a good thing i don’t take dreams at face value because i really don’t feel like going “above and beyond” today  to justify my position here (or any day for that matter). i think i just started thinking about all the money i laid out for my new elliptical machine and the possible trip to america this year and fact that i found five new pairs of shoes yesterday that i haven’t even worn yet … i thought to myself that if i got fired,  i’d be screwed.  i’d have to make the Brit start paying for sex to fund my shoe fund.  i got an email from my boss this afternoon talking about renewing my work visa for another four years when my current one expires next year so i think i have nothing to worry about. but, to be on the safe side, the next time my boss is down from sydney, i won’t give him such a hard time about getting me a donut. 

monday.

hey, mondays aren’t so bad when you don’t have to work.  i actually wasn’t planning on posting today, but in a burst of productivity, i thought i’d give it a go.  i started off by cleaning my closet which is a daunting task.  i thought i would find the one red shoe that has been MIA for the past week but no luck.  feeling discouraged,  i decided to take the next logical step – blog about it.  i bought the shoes months ago when we went to america and they have never been worn.  now, i finally want to wear them and i can’t find one.  isn’t that how it always is?

it is well and truly winter here i’m afraid.  the sky is grey and angry.  people are in their winter coats, huddled up in layers of scarves and hats,  their breath visible as they hurriedly walk down the street,  all the while muttering that they can’t believe summer is gone…

…oh, i got a bit literary there for a moment.  i’ve been reading a lot of charles dickens lately.  i wish i could write like him.  anyway, back to the closet.

closet is clean.  there, that’s all i wanted to say about that.  i planned on doing n-o-t-h-i-n-g for the day, but when i rang the Brit up at work to see how his day was going, he seemed surprised that i hadn’t moved from my position on the couch which is where he left me this morning.  feeling suddenly guilty,  i brushed the cookie crumbs off my lap, put my book away and went downstairs to clean my closet.  i envisioned the Brit being rather pleasantly surprised that i had accomplished something today and perhaps giving me a prize for being so good. 

the weekend was good except for one hiccup.  every friday,  the Brit and I order Indian food to be delivered for dinner.  the Brit forgot to order my tandoori chicken.  i threw a fit.  i mean, i threw a fit.  it was pretty major and psycho and a culmination of a bad week and being extremely homesick and having no friends but man, i lost it.  and again, as always,  the “sane” me is watching the psycho me freak out.  i’m trying to tell myself to shut the f*ck up and stop being so girlie and mean, but i can’t listen to reason.  the rant went on for about 15 minutes and then i was feeling rather foolish. during my rant,  i managed to call the indian restaurant to order my chicken,  all sniffly and pathetic.  the guy on the other end of the phone asked me if iwanted a full or half order and i said full.  when it arrived,  he apparently thought i said “four” and we ended up with four chickens.  the Brit wondered why it cost $70. so then i got all sniffly again and said that the Brit was going to make me eat it all as punishment for being psycho but he’s too nice to do that.  in the end, i only had one piece of chicken.  i’m such crap. i’m so not normal.  how the Brit puts up with me, i will never know. we talked about my “outburst” for the rest of the night and me being homesick so by the end i was laughing and feeling better and not so stupid. i’ve taken a week and a half off from working out. when i don’t work out i get depressed and stupid but i’m having a hard time finding the motivation to start up again.  i hope my Bloggy Twin is still at it every morning,  you are my inspiration.

the rest of the weekend was brilliant. we had fancy dinner on saturday which was fantastic and then we went shopping on sunday. i got two new games for my nintendo and i got a fur deer-stalker hat for the winter.  i love it (for those of you that don’t know,  beside shoes, i’m a hat fiend).  i’ve been looking for one for ages and finally came across one at the army surplus shop.  when i put the earflaps down, i can barely hear people talking around me.  i may have to wear it while i work. 

saturday was ANZAC day in australia which is a public holiday.  it celebrates the battle of Gallipoli from WWI…which is a bit odd because the allies lost that battle but you know,  i’m sure there’s more to it than that.  to be honest, i’m not too interested in holidays unless gift-giving is involved.  in honour of ANZAC day, the kiwi made anzac cookies.  yum.  i had five i think.  i was feeling extra australian (and piggy).

i’m back at work tomorrow but i feel well-rested and relaxed about it.  a feeling that will surely dissipate the moment i walk into the lift but such is life.  time for me to go.  the Brit will be home soon and i’m dying to tell him what happened on Judge Judy today.  ha!

good decision, bad decision.

wearing trousers to work instead of a skirt because of the wind.  good decision.
leaving my umbrella at work.  bad decision.
so the good news is that i didn’t give the people in the city a free show with my skirt blowing up (i’d do it more often if they gave me money though).  the bad news is that i got to work soaked.  my hair looked nasty and my mascara was all runny.  i looked like keith richards after a bender.

going to the vegan cafe to get lunch.  yum.  good decision.
not changing out of my high  heels.  bad decision. 
i don’t know what i was thinking to be honest.  i thought we would just go down to the cafe next to our office.  i had no idea that we would do a complete loop for a couple of blocks (going up and down that stupid collins st. hill TWICE!) before realising that my colleague already had lunch and he was waiting for me to decide what i wanted to eat.  by that time, we had passed my vegan place twice so had to go back.  i was almost just going to get a krispy kreme because we were standing in front of it. 
“why are you walking so slow?” 
“because my feet f*cking hurt and you take huge steps.  slow down.”
“why are you wearing super high heels?”
“because. ”
“hurry up.”
“no.  carry me.”
“do you act like this with your husband?”
“yes”
“poor guy.”
“ass hole.  slow down”
as soon as i got back to my desk, i took my shoe off and i have a blister the size of texas on the bottom of my foot.  i may take a picture of it and send it to my colleague.  i’ll wait till it pops so he’ll be extra grossed out.  i’m walking around in my lovely wooly socks now because the only shoes i have under my desk are high heels (i have about 8 pairs of shoes under my desk btw).  i wonder if my blister is a good excuse to get out of working out today.  if anything, it’ll earn me some sympathy points from the brit.

running to catch the elevator with a tub of rice in one hand and my mobile in the other.  bad decision.
telling the lady at the vegan cafe not to put extra tomato sauce on my rice.  good decision.
well, i made the elevator.  barely.  the fact that i jumped in at about a 45 degree angle, hit the wall and popped open my tub of rice probably negates that success.  not all my rice spilled out…and most actually went down my shirt which i was able to shake back into the tub.  i tried to scoop up the rest of the rice with an old tram ticket i found in my bag.  after lunch i limped my way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.  some rice fell out of the bottom of my shirt.  i hope no one noticed.

just another typical day for me…

fake wellies.

The husband told me that a friend of his in London found my wellies for sale at camden market – probably being sold next to a stall selling pet rocks or plant holders made from old socks. The husband thought i’d be annoyed thinking about the fact that there will be people walking around in fake kate spades, not being able to tell the difference between mine and ones that cost twenty quid (i’ll have to scour the markets of st. kilda to make sure that they haven’t infiltrated the australian market).  i have to admit i was bit annoyed (moreso by the smug smile on husband’s face) but it really just reiterates my point about them being cool.  everyone wants them!  further proof that i’m right and the others are wrong.

you people just don’t know cool.

enough already.  i’m tired of people making fun of my wellies. (they call them gumboots here which for some reason annoys me). they are cool.  if they weren’t cool,  kate spade wouldn’t have made them.  i wear them into the office when it’s raining and then i slip into my heels once i’m here.  but i’ve been wearing them all day just to spite people and their lack of what’s cool.