is it tomorrow yet?

word on the street is that they are trying to come up with a job title.  are they f*cking kidding me?  i’m hanging in limbo, on the verge of losing it,  hating the world because they don’t know what to call me?  good god.  i was reading some blog posts on Huffington Post today and people have as their titles things like activist, advocate,  socialite.  can you be more vague?  yeah, i can be all those things too (except socialite,  i hate people).  it’s like the people who put “admin” as job skill in their cv.  care to elaborate?  so anyway,  i don’t care what they call me as long as they pay me more money and it gets me the hell out of dodge.  i prefer to have the title “misanthrope” but for some reason, i don’t think that implies client service.  oh well,  i just hope they pull their thumb out long enough to make a decision and give me long enough to decide to tell them to go to hell…. actually,  i’ll probably say ‘yes’ but i wanted to sound all tough and angry.  did it work?

i was hoping to hear something by at least today.  boss man in town again tomorrow and he’s making me go to dinner with him, douchbag,  super nice guy,  and a couple other managers.  if i have the job secured and  a nice big pay rise,  i can assert my “i’m better than you” vibe.  if i don’t,  i’ll just have to resort to my “i can’t believe you walk upright” vibe.  they may sound similar,  but the former is born out of truth while the latter is just bitterness.  they are completely different … like zoolander’s blue steel and le tigre.

it may not matter because i’m formulating my plan to get out of dinner which will most dismay super nice guy.  i have a cold (stupid melbourne weather) and i can try to milk that tomorrow.  my manager is a complete germaphobe and will not want to go near me.  usually the brit looks at me disapprovingly when i try to come up with an excuse to miss the team dinners,  but this time he is completely supportive.  he’s had it with them too! 

i finally unpacked my suitcases from our holiday a month ago.  i don’t have enough hangers or closet space so they now are neatly piled in a corner and my shoes are piled in another corner but hey,  at least it’s out of the suitcase.  the brit tattled to my mother that i still haven’t unpacked my suitcases and that unleashed the “wifely duties” speech from my mother (which, btw, has nothing to do with unpacking a suitcase).

perhaps my job title should be procrastinator.

tuesday.

a colleague of mine made the mistake of giving me sheets of bubble wrap to play with.  and they thought i couldn’t get any more annoying… 

my throat is killing me.  it’s a vicious circle -this cold/flu thing that i started here months ago.  it seems that it has found its way back to me.  my plan is to sweat it out with a long workout when i get home from work if my clothes are dry – i actually did a load of laundry last night.  the brit thought that aliens had taken over my body.  (hee hee, i said “load”).  anyway, the weather here has been really weird and i think it’s messing with me. my body is telling me to stay in bed.

tom cruise is in melbourne because his whats-her-name is filming a movie here.  i’m thinking i might hang out around the scientology institute (it’s down the road from my office) and see if there are any tom sightings (and maybe get a stress test while i’m there).  i’m going to have a find a poster of “cocktail” and ask him to autograph it citing it as his “best movie ever!”  i’m sure he’ll love me (everyone does!)

…. my bubble wrap just got taken away from me.  crapbags.  i’m going home.  promise to write more tomorrow.

thursday.

everyone in the office is sickly and nasty and i want to join the bandwagon and take some sick days.  according to everyone, i’m the originator of the germs and got them all sick.  i give new meaning to workplace giving.  yay me.

i’m wearing a new deodorant today and i must’ve really slathered the stuff on because i keep catching whiffs of myself when i move.  i keep thinking there’s an old lady nearby and then i realise that i’m smelling myself.  i’ve tried to solve the problem by putting on more fuzzy peach perfume oil which makes me smell like an old lady carrying around a peach cobbler in her bag.  to make it more interesting,  i have on a thermal top which i wore last night while i cooked and now smells like dinner.  i’m giving myself a headache.  at least it’s almost time to go home.

i neglected to mention anything about the Brit’s team building day because according to him, it was “complete codswallop” [sp?  he's so british].   they didn’t get a chance to go on a gnome hunt because the weather was crappy so i think they sat around and broke out into little groups and talked crap about other people.  team building at it’s best!

too much information?

so i just wanted to share.  i was so sick last night.  i ate meat which is what i’m blaming but could it be my own cooking?  the Brit was fine though – then again, he  can eat things that expired months ago and feel fine.  he’s like a goat.

the worst thing about it is that i knew i couldn’t pull a sicky today because my co worker is still sick.  i won’t go into details in case you may want to eat later, or ever, but suffice it to say it was just wrong.  i’m still reeling from it today,  i’ve had my head on my desk for most of the day.  sometimes i feel slightly invigorated once i come through the worst of it in that sick sort of ooh-can’t-wait-to-see-how-much-i-weigh-now way but i’m way too drained. 

i was trying to be all stealthy last night,  trying not wake the Brit.  i wanted comfort but i wouldn’t want to wake up to that so i left him asleep.  i finally fell asleep at 4am,  curled up with a hot water bottle against my tummy (it helps!).  this morning, the Brit tells me that he did hear me,  all sick and pathetic but fell back asleep.  how’s that for sympathy?

contagious.

my evil plan seems to be working.  people are sick and suffering just as i suffered.  but now i see it’s having a negative effect on me – one the girls on my team has called in sick which means i have to delegate all of the incoming work to myself.  drat!

coughie the coughing girl

i’m back at work.  i shoulda stayed home but if i watch one more episode of “murder she wrote” i will commit murder.  people here are actually insisting i wear a mask.  i don’t think so – masks are so last season.  shall write more later – just wanted to say hello to anyone still awake overseas.

sick day.

ugh.  i hate taking sick days when i’m sick but it had to be done.  the sneezing has stopped but now i have a nasty chesty cough which sounds gross.  i’m under strict orders from the Brit to stay warm, rested and hydrated. darn, i guess that means no chores for me.  i’ve been bored out of my mind all day.  i watched back to back episodes of “murder she wrote” and “antiques roadshow” and “peoples court” and all before noon.  i think i’m back at work tomorrow because i do feel better except for the cough.  i would like to share the love with others at work.

i also watched a horrible movie with richard gere and winona ryder.  a sappy love story which was so bad i couldn’t unglue my eyes from the telly.  i almost cried at the end but then i regained my sanity and switched the channel to jerry springer.  tranvestite cousins in love…so much more realistic.  i can’t stay home another day.  the Brit may come home and find me significantly dumber – IQ points diminished from watching hours of daytime television.  the only things i’ll be able to say is “you are the weakest link, goodbye.” it’s a good thing i have Charles Dickens’ “Bleak House” to read during the down times…while i’m waiting for “Law and Order” to start. Did i mention i have cabin fever?

so tomorrow i will write more.  my head is all foggy with cold medicine, tea, bad television and soup.   i just wanted to drop you all a quick line and say hello.

back in the saddle.

my flu has been downgraded to a bad cold after spending most of yesterday in bed,  falling asleep between episodes of judge judy and people’s court.  i’m back at work.  it’s so easy coming to work on a friday because then you have the next two days off.  it’s lovely.  and everyone here missed me (that’s what they’re telling me and i believe them!) so i’m feeling quite good.  i’m sure it’ll wear off by about midday but right now, all is good.