more talking about nothing.

yep.  just keepin’ it real.  just waitin’. haven’t heard a peep.  i’ve talked to the manager at the other site because his staff is severely understaffed and need extra help for the week so i’ve been calling around to our other sites and even getting my own team to pick up an extra shift here and there.  this is douchbag’s job especially since it’s douchbag’s site that i am staffing.  amazing, i can do both jobs at both sites at once.  so i’ve talked to him but not about the job or when we’ll meet to talk about it or not even an acknowledgement that i’m waiting.  i’m tired.  i’ve given up.  i wore a maxi dress and uggs to work knowing that he wouldn’t want to meet today.  how’s that for defeat (and not to mention blatant disregard for our corporate attire policy)?

it’s a colleague’s birthday today and for once i decided to be social and stand around with everyone and make small talk while we wished him a grrrreat birthday.  my main motivation was food.  i didn’t have brekkie or lunch and a cupcake was sounding really good even at the expense of smiling fakely and making pleasantries with people i have nothing in common with.    it at least took my mind off my crap job and now  i have a fantastic sugar high.

i have gathered most of my paperwork for my visa application. i’ve done more today than i have in the three years i talked about getting my residency.  immigration laywer with comb-over is pushing me to get the stuff done so i guess that’s all i needed.  it’s the power of the comb-over. 

so,  did you all hear about the “alien” they found in panama?  i love the story.  the kids say it was alive but then they threw rocks at it and killed it.  E.T. would’ve been a way shorter movie if they set it in panama.

this weekend is the Grand Final.  i think it’s sort of the equivalent of the super bowl but for australian rules football which, by the way,  i don’t get.  it’s one of the only sports i can think of that rewards you for innaccuracy. seriously,  if  you kick it through the uprights,  you get 6 points,  but if you miss,  that’s okay,  you’ll get a point anyway.  it’s like getting 1 point in basketball if you shoot and it rolls around the rim but doesn’t go in.  i call it the “at least you tried” point.   it’s the weekend i avoid going out because everyone and their mullet is out at the pub watching it and drinking lots of VB (that’s the champagne of beers in australia) and acting really blokey.  no thanks.  the office is buzzing and it’s all anyone can talk about.  when they try to talk to me about it i tell them that the only sport i follow is men’s figure skating.  that shuts them up immediately and they go away.  you should try it sometime (not recommended if you’re a boy).

okey dokey friends.  until tomorrow. 

in this one i just babble.

so,  we’re trying to hire people for sydney and melbourne and one of the applicants forwarded us a link to their blog.  um, yeah,  probably not a good idea to do that if you’re going to post daily about your adventures in binge drinking and puking on public transport. 

it seems that i have a new responsibility and that would be writer.  my manager writes reports and sends them to me to re-write/wordsmith.  i’m not a writer, it’s not my thing.  it all started when i happened to see something he wrote (which was atrocious) and i crossed it all out and rewrote it for him.  i should’ve learnt my lesson.  if i didn’t have a job offer coming to me on monday then i might complain,  but i’ll keep my mouth shut…for now.

no job news today but i didn’t expect there would be.  monday is the day and it better happen that day or else  i will lose it.  ever see michael douglas in that movie “falling down”?  that’ll be me.  except cuter.  and in more stylish clothes.

it’s official,  i’m getting my permanent residency. i know, i know, i’ve talked about it in the past and my airy fairy deadline for getting the paperwork done but it’s getting done now for real.  my company is paying for half and they even hired me a migration attorney to do most of the work.  he actually sounds kind of dodgey but i looked him up on the immigration website and he’s legit.  i talked to him on the phone and he sounds like a portly man with a double breasted pin stripecd suit and massive comb over.  i’ll never know.  he lives in brisbane so our correspondence is via email and phone.  he says i should get it in 6 weeks.  yay…i guess.  the word “permanent” really freaks me out. 

once i’m a resident,   i’ll be eligible for the government run socialist healthcare called Medicare (oooh scary).   i’ll probably keep my private health insurance not because the public healthcare is bad, but because i’m american,  i like jumping through hoops,  and if i don’t have health insurance, i freak out.  oh, and it’s really cheap,  like $187 a month for the same type of plan i had in america that cost a trillion times  more.  the Brit is on Medicare and doesn’t complain.  can go to the doctor when he wants,  can go to specialists and doesn’t have to wait.  he says it’s not as good as the health system in england but it’s waaaay better than what we’ve got going on in america.  there’s nothing to be afraid of government healthcare but maybe it’s easier for me to say that since i’m on the other side of the fence.  and i tried to convince my parents that it was all good when i was home last time but i always get dismissed as the liberal black sheep of the family.  my parents and sister are die hard republicans.  it makes family get togethers fun.  we used to get into heated arguments but not anymore.  they just feel sorry for me and send me emails with religious overtones to try to make me more conservative.  i set up a rule in my outlook to delete those.

the dinner menu at work got sent around early today so i actually got to have a peek a few minutes ago.  the restaurant is asian but yet there is chicken parmagiana on the menu.  wtf?  chicken parma is on every frackin’ menu at every restaurant i’ve been to.  it’s at every takeaway place down the road from work – the ubiquitious chicken parma sandwhich/wrap/panini.  it is to Austalia what potato skins are to America.  not a bloomin’ onion in sight though.

it’s finally friday and i am thrilled.    we are seeing a broadcast of “la boheme”‘ from convent garden tomorrow at the cinema and other than that,  we have nothing going on.  i plan on lounging around in my jammies and watching period dramas and reading books.  i started “bleak house” months ago and i’m not even halfway through it.  i’m going to have to start it over again just to get the characters straight.  and i downloaded a “welcome to australia, life in victoria” booklet today from the immigration website.  maybe i’ll read that too. i started reading it and got up to the point where it said that “in Australia,  we do not kiss or hug people we don’t know”.  yeah, in america, if that happened, you’d get maced in the eye.  weird.

have a nice weekend peeps! i’ll talk to you monday.  peace out.

and another day.

a day spent reading more CVs.  i’m over it all – exceeding expectations, leading by example, mulit-tasking,  working alone and in a team with minimal supervision,  blah blah blah.  it’s all just fluff.  everyone that has strong attention to detail somehow forgot to use spellcheck.  someone’s motto was “learn, unlearn, relearn”  wtf?  my motto is “delegate.”  and someone else put “buying stuff for the house my parents are building for me” as an attribute.  huh? thanks for sharing but i don’t care about your trips to ikea. my head hurts.  i’ve shortlisted the candidates for my manager and i’m just waiting for the go-ahead to do phone interviews.  did i mention that i don’t like others? i think i’m getting dumber reading these CVs. pretty soon i’ll just randomly say things like “i embrace challenges” and “i am deadline-oriented and proactive” because i don’t know anything else to say.

today i said something extremely australian (“give me a hoi this arvo and we’ll get it sorted”) which impressed some colleagues but left me shocked and dismayed.  i was just distracted by a  fresh box of krispy kreme donuts on someone’s desk.  they think they’re winning but  i will not succumb.  

so,  on other things australian,  i was reading the age and was drawn to this headline ‘Teabagging’ case sees military court declared invalid’ only because there was all this talk of tea parties/teabagging in america from right wing whackos (apologies to any right wing whackos who read this blog,  i’m just a whacko in general so it’s said with love).  i thought it would be a case of australia copying americans and their political antics but much to my surprise (and amusement)…um,  well, it’s not the same.  surely they could have re-worded the headline.

and that is my interesting story.  aren’t you glad you tuned in?

australia and all its wonders

really,  this post should be titled “people and things that fascinate/confound me” because it could happen anywhere i suppose, not just australia but that title doesn’t sound as punchy.   so here goes…

• the man who works somewhere in my building who will wait for the revolving door to do one full revolution before going through.  it could be devoid of people and he will still wait.  we arrive at work at roughly the same time every morning so i have the pleasure of witnessing his OCD.  if i’m a bit early,  i stay outside for a bit longer until he arrives to see if he does it again (i guess you can say that i like to watch).  and he does.
• the person at the cross walk who will pres the button repeatedly and quite vigourously for the green walking man to appear.  it’s worth mentioning that this person was probably standing behind me and saw me press the button already.  perhaps i didn’t slam it hard enough.  i’ve never noticed a direct correlation between how many times you press the button and when the light turns green.  my guess is that there is none but a lot of people must think it works.  I tell people that watching their report print makes the printer actually go faster.  same principle i think.
• vegemite.  i think it’s the same as marmite.  it’s all just brown goop to me.  and it tastes like brown goop.
• mullets.  they are everywhere here.  i didn’t notice them when i was back in america, maybe i’m out of the loop and they’re really popular again. 
• Twitter.  everyone at work keeps talking about how great it is.  why?  the media made a big deal about it because crusty old GOP senators were using it.  that for me was a signal that it was not cool.  it’s like the first time i heard my mother say “talk to the hand.”  i don’t think i said it ever again after that (except to my mother). btw,  they also use facebook.  not cool.
• australian commercials.  not all of them but one in particular that really irked me.  i’d throw my hands up every time it came up on the telly and wonder how it ever got past the “ideas table” at the ad agency.  it was a tampon commercial with a beaver (um, the animal) in it.  there’d be scenes of some super happy chick at the beach with this animated beaver,  both laying in the sun,  while two unrealistically toned men walk by and check out the girl and her beaver.  seriously, wtf?  cut to the last scene where the chick and her beaver  friend are at dinner and she gives the beaver a box of tampons as a gift.  hello?  focus group?  don’t believe me?  it’s on youtube.  see it for yourself.
• The woman who sells the Big Issue down the street from my office.  we happened to be on the same tram as her quite a while ago and accused the Brit of being a Free mason.  wha…?  then went on to talk about how they’re bad and i should watch myself.  apparently the Brit did some hand geture while he was telling me a story that i think is a signal used amongst free masons.  again, i say,  WTF? !  the brit and i ignored her (and this was well over a year ago) and she still bloody remembers me.  she always says something to me  when i walk past her.  i think she’s trying to pick a fight with me.  i ignore her.  she always has weird messages written on the side of the box she keeps the Big Issue in.  a few weeks ago it was “Ahmadinejad is sexy.”  For a while during the american election, it was “Vote for Obama” which i thought was amusing since you can’t vote for the american president if you’re not american.  this morning it was something about free masons (i couldn’t really see the message and i didn’t want to slow for fear she may try to talk to me about my free mason husband).  the woman is weird.  and what did a free mason ever do to her?

being nit picky.

how to entertain yourself at work:  be annoying. 
example 1
coworker: i’m going to get lunch. want something?
me: umm,  depends.  where are you going?
coworker:  place down the street. south of the border food.
me: south of the border, eh?  so…tasmanian food?
coworker: no stupid. mexican.
(me thinking to myself:  did he just call me stupid??  fine, i’ll just be annoying now)
me: that’s not south of the border.
coworker: yes it is.
me: i think you can only say “south of the border” when you’re actually in a place where mexico is south of the border
coworker: but you knew what i meant, didn’t you?
me: because i come from a place where “south of the border” means mexico (or ohio)
coworker:  forget it. you don’t get anything
me:  can you get me some nachos?

new word.

grouse.  That’s an aussie word I just learned.  My new elliptical machine was being delievered yesterday (which is fantastic, more on that later) and the chappie that was doing the delivering said “that’s grouse” when i showed him where it was supposed to go.

In my usual, what-the-hell-did-he-just-say, crap way, i smiled and looked at him ambiguously.  at first i thought he said “that’s gross” so i thought maybe i had some breakfast on my face or something.  but then he said it again and i heard it clearly.  “that’s grouse!”  i then thought he was referring to a nearby bird but i didn’t think that they had grouse in australia so i continued to just stare at him,  my eyes begging him to clarify.  i felt it best not to reply because it didn’t sound like a question.  i made a mental note to ask the Brit when he got home.

the Brit says it mean great or terrific but told me not to use it because no one says it anymore.  pshaw…like he’s worried about me not looking cool.  i think we all know better.  but there you go.  learning new things is grouse.

monday.

hey, mondays aren’t so bad when you don’t have to work.  i actually wasn’t planning on posting today, but in a burst of productivity, i thought i’d give it a go.  i started off by cleaning my closet which is a daunting task.  i thought i would find the one red shoe that has been MIA for the past week but no luck.  feeling discouraged,  i decided to take the next logical step – blog about it.  i bought the shoes months ago when we went to america and they have never been worn.  now, i finally want to wear them and i can’t find one.  isn’t that how it always is?

it is well and truly winter here i’m afraid.  the sky is grey and angry.  people are in their winter coats, huddled up in layers of scarves and hats,  their breath visible as they hurriedly walk down the street,  all the while muttering that they can’t believe summer is gone…

…oh, i got a bit literary there for a moment.  i’ve been reading a lot of charles dickens lately.  i wish i could write like him.  anyway, back to the closet.

closet is clean.  there, that’s all i wanted to say about that.  i planned on doing n-o-t-h-i-n-g for the day, but when i rang the Brit up at work to see how his day was going, he seemed surprised that i hadn’t moved from my position on the couch which is where he left me this morning.  feeling suddenly guilty,  i brushed the cookie crumbs off my lap, put my book away and went downstairs to clean my closet.  i envisioned the Brit being rather pleasantly surprised that i had accomplished something today and perhaps giving me a prize for being so good. 

the weekend was good except for one hiccup.  every friday,  the Brit and I order Indian food to be delivered for dinner.  the Brit forgot to order my tandoori chicken.  i threw a fit.  i mean, i threw a fit.  it was pretty major and psycho and a culmination of a bad week and being extremely homesick and having no friends but man, i lost it.  and again, as always,  the “sane” me is watching the psycho me freak out.  i’m trying to tell myself to shut the f*ck up and stop being so girlie and mean, but i can’t listen to reason.  the rant went on for about 15 minutes and then i was feeling rather foolish. during my rant,  i managed to call the indian restaurant to order my chicken,  all sniffly and pathetic.  the guy on the other end of the phone asked me if iwanted a full or half order and i said full.  when it arrived,  he apparently thought i said “four” and we ended up with four chickens.  the Brit wondered why it cost $70. so then i got all sniffly again and said that the Brit was going to make me eat it all as punishment for being psycho but he’s too nice to do that.  in the end, i only had one piece of chicken.  i’m such crap. i’m so not normal.  how the Brit puts up with me, i will never know. we talked about my “outburst” for the rest of the night and me being homesick so by the end i was laughing and feeling better and not so stupid. i’ve taken a week and a half off from working out. when i don’t work out i get depressed and stupid but i’m having a hard time finding the motivation to start up again.  i hope my Bloggy Twin is still at it every morning,  you are my inspiration.

the rest of the weekend was brilliant. we had fancy dinner on saturday which was fantastic and then we went shopping on sunday. i got two new games for my nintendo and i got a fur deer-stalker hat for the winter.  i love it (for those of you that don’t know,  beside shoes, i’m a hat fiend).  i’ve been looking for one for ages and finally came across one at the army surplus shop.  when i put the earflaps down, i can barely hear people talking around me.  i may have to wear it while i work. 

saturday was ANZAC day in australia which is a public holiday.  it celebrates the battle of Gallipoli from WWI…which is a bit odd because the allies lost that battle but you know,  i’m sure there’s more to it than that.  to be honest, i’m not too interested in holidays unless gift-giving is involved.  in honour of ANZAC day, the kiwi made anzac cookies.  yum.  i had five i think.  i was feeling extra australian (and piggy).

i’m back at work tomorrow but i feel well-rested and relaxed about it.  a feeling that will surely dissipate the moment i walk into the lift but such is life.  time for me to go.  the Brit will be home soon and i’m dying to tell him what happened on Judge Judy today.  ha!

quickie.

reading up on my american news.

with all the mention of tea bagging going on, it sounds like the entire country is making a porno -will it be as successful as hand across america?

people need to calm down.

australia stuff ep. 01

so i’ve gotten and email or two saying that i don’t write about enough Australia stuff on my blog.  someone out there doesn’t find my life interesting enough. instead of passing on a few choice words to that person,  i decided to take what they said on board and try to dedicate one post a day/week…or let’s face it..one post a month(ish) to Australia stuff.  do you like how i’ve named it episode 01…implying that i will make it up to double digits?  ha.  one can only hope.

oh yes,  and i was told that i whinge too much about australia/australians but let’s get real folks.  i will whinge no matter where i am.  that’s just my nature.  suck it up.  that’s what i say.  but,  i will try to be nice and positive.  i am not a warm and fuzzy person so there will be some sarcasm thrown in so you know i’m actually the one writing it.

so where do i start?  did my reader have suggestions for me?? no!!  i guess i have carte blanche to write about anything i want as long as it’s about australia.  if you have any queries, suggestions, need strange sports explained (Aussie rules football),  myths debunked/proven (like the water draining thing) just let me know and i’ll be sure to answer them.  remember,  i am writing this from an american perspective (ooh, and you know what we’re like) so i wouldn’t take anything i have to say as fact.  i still barely know my way around the city of melbourne and i’ve been here for a while now.

my first subject (drumroll)…

first impressions – my first week in oz
i really didn’t know what to expect when i came here for the first time but in my head, i conjured up an image of australia which was sort of like baywatch meets national geographic wildlife safari special.  i imagined everyone being tanned, blond and really healthy.  i was coming from one of the world’s fattest countries to australia… which is one of the world’s fattest countries.  damn.

at KFC here,  you get a tub of mashed potatoes and gravy with your french fries.  you are meant to dip your french fries into your mashed potatoes.  need i say more?

so if you take your average Kmart customer group from any town in America,  give them tans (mostly fake ones),  flip flops, accents, and a penchant for potato products,  then that’s what australia is to me – americans with funny accents.  i should mention that they are nicer here,  that is most noticeable.  and they’re a lot more laid back (um, except for the people i work with who live on an ASAP basis).  i’m trying to maintain my frenetic, suspicious big city attitude but i feel myself being sucked in to the laid back life that is melbourne.  i don’t want to lose my edge.  when we finally move back to london,  i’ll be overwhelmed with the pace.  the Brit felt a bit like that when he was in america with me.

i also expected to be hated for being an american but they embraced me.  they just couldn’t understand a damn word i said and i couldn’t understand what they said.  still can’t.  it’s a great relationship we have – one of mutual misunderstanding.  i think once i master my english accent,  i’ll be okay.  the brit doesn’t seem to have issues.  in fact,  he sometimes has to translate for me.  australians also have this tendency to raise their voice at the end of everything.  for the first week, i thought they were asking me questions all the time which made me feel extra dumb because i didn’t know how to answer them back.

and the wildlife safari thing?  if you go to the zoo you’ll see them.  i have yet to see australian animals roaming around all free and junk like that (i was so disappointed!).  but then again,  i haven’t really ventured out of the city (unless there are really nice hotels where we are going).  maybe one day we’ll actually go out and go hiking through the australian bush (yeah right).  the photos i send to my niece and nephew are ones that i buy at the souvenir shop.  one day,  when they rid australia of weird/poisonous bugs (you should’ve seen the one the Brit killed yesterday! it looked like an alien!)…

so there you have it.  my first week in australia.  fantasies blown, expectations lowered, but it’s lovely here nonetheless and there is so much more that makes up for it (see, i knew you were waiting for the positive).  maybe next i’ll talk about aussie food… and how they get the good ol’ hamburger so wrong here.

 

 

 

 

i heart tuesdays.

not.

ah, it was a glorious 4 days off.  having to go back to work is a real buzz kill.  again, i should get paid to stay home.

eating animal products on sunday was extremely anticlimactic followed by spending the entirety of monday feeling horrible.  I am back to being a vegetarian.  the thought of meat on monday made me wretch. maybe i’ll ease back into meat, red meat especially.  me and a friend went out to a curry place for lunch today and i all i could eat was dahl, some rice and naan.  I did partake in some delicious haloumi cheese and i made cinnamon buns for everyone for easter breakfast.  that didn’t give me any problems thank god.  mmm, eggs, how i missed you. 

we totally nerded out and watched all three Lord of the Rings movies.  i was just felt like watching them. the Brit said he would watch them too – but he’ll do anything i tell him to do (that’s what i tell myself anyway).  it was good – could do without the tender moments between frodo and sam but what are you gonna do, eh?  also watched a few more movies i can’t remember the name of (which must mean they were really good).

my predictions were correct and i spent the entire four days in my pajamas.  it was great.  i got dressed once thinking i would have to make a supermarket run but the Brit went for me.  life is good. i am not wearing bedsheets.  i thought about it though, not because i had eaten too much this weekend but because i had nothing clean/wrinkle free to wear to work.  but who am i kidding?  i’ll call in sick before i wear bedsheets to work…  i’ll call in sick if i have a run in my pantyhose and no spares.  yeah, it’s like that.

today i have gotten three more invites for facebook.  that is a total of 16 invites over the past couple of weeks.  that is 16 more friends than i thought i had.  who are you people??  and how come they are just now doing facebook?  hasn’t that thing been around for ages?  it figures that my “friends” are a bit slow to jump on the bandwagon.  some of them i haven’t talked to in years.  others,  i’ve actually emailed directly since being in australia and haven’t heard back from them (feeling the love guys…thanks).  maybe it’s because i’m not their facebook friend.  maybe if i write them an email and CC the rest of the world on it, they will reply.  i think i actually have a username for facebook…i set it up ages ago when someone said they had a message for me (which, consequently was “hi”… wtf??).  anyway,  i thought i’d use it occassionally to lurk/stalk others,  but i can’t be bothered.  i just lurk around other people’s blogs.  much more fun.

in The Age this morning,  i read this article “Money in bra saves woman’s life.” the gist of the article is that some woman in Brazil had a wad of money in her bra,  gets on a bus,  shootout ensues,  she gets shot in the chest but the wad of money absorbed the blow of the bullet thus saving her life.  not like i plan on being involved in a mass shootout (or riding a bus for that matter..eww),  i’m going to start packing some notes in my bra.  i guess i’ve been doing it all wrong with kleenex.  money is way to go.  god, australian news is so good.