monday.

typical.  monday. things have gone tits up but i for some reason am feeling at peace with everything.  everything will be alright methinks.

i spent the morning at the immigration place to get my physical done for my visa.  i waited about 2 hours in the waiting room and saw actual medical professionals for maybe about 5 minutes total.  someone in our sydney office is going through the same thing and he told me to drink lots of water before for the pee test.  i chugged two big glasses of water before leaving the house without knowing that i would have to wait in the seventh circle of hell for two hours.  i contemplated just going but then i thought that i would get called immediately after (because i’m lucky like that) and i wouldn’t be able to pee.  i would then get relegated to the ”special” roped off section of the office where people who couldn’t go were lining up at the water cooler and drinking it like they’ve just returned from the desert.  no way.  i just crossed my legs and waited.  i got scared after a while because i saw people going into the exam room and then coming back and sitting down to wait…again.  i never saw anyone actually leave.  made me think that i would never get out of there.  i’d call the brit from a dingy back room to tell him that he wouldn’t be seeing me again.  i’ve been forced to sew stuffed kangaroos to sell at the souvenir shop to pay off my visa.  ha, i wish.  my doctor was a breath of fresh air.  not.   he had a dreadful bedside manner and he looked completely bored with his job.  he asked if i was pregnant and showed me a picture of a pregnant lady in case i couldn’t understand english.   and when he told me to undress,  he pointed to a chart with a picture of a girl wearing a bra and panties to show me what clothes i could keep on.  he used a laser pointer.  i thought i was in some weird dream still in the waiting room but then he sneezed on me.  he squirted a glob of disinfectant in my hand like that made things better.  if i get swine flu, i’m going to sue.  i can because i’m american.  that’s what we do. 

my project at work has finally progressed but i didn’t get approval to proceed until 6pm and at that point, i was ready to proceed to the exit so it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

douchbag starts in a couple of weeks.  it’s so convenient since my project should (in theory) be done meaning i will have loads of time to train him.  i’ll need to think of jobs for him to do like fetching me coffee and making sure the printers are loaded with the right paper –   real important duties that i’m too junior to do.  fun times ahead.

finally.

phew.  my monstrous project is done, for now.  just waiting on approval and then i move on to phase 2 (which, by the way, is just as crap as phase 1).  i sent off my files just a few minutes ago and now i can breathe.  and write.  i know you’ve been so bored without me.

i’ve actually been so busy that i haven’t had time to fixate on the fact that i’ve also been doing douchbag’s job at the same time which was a good thing.  but i’m back to fixatin’ cuz my project is done for now.  he’s a douchbag.  and he hasn’t started yet.  will he ever start?  we’re taking bets. 

i’ve been tempted to set up an auto-reply rule in my outlook for certain people i work with.  the reply would be “you’re a tool.”  it’s my knee-jerk reaction everytime i get an email from one of them and i have to wait a few minutes before replying to them or else i will say it.  let’s face facts.  they are tools.  i only speak the truth.

news news news…

oh! it’s the Brit’s birthday today! yay!  last night i cooked extra special dinner for the Brit, the Kiwi, and the Other Asian (dude, sorry about your nickname but I have to distinguish you from the main Asian (me) and it’s way better than Hand Job which is what i considered calling you (minds out of gutters people – he’s an occupational therapist specialising in hands – sheesh!)).  the Brit chose the menu.  we ate until we burst.  it was a good night. 

the Kiwi got the book ”band of brothers” by stephen ambrose for the Brit and i started reading it last night (his presents are actually our presents).  i finished Thurber finally which i quite enjoyed.  i am also trying to finish Gaudete by Ted Hughes which i started a year ago but never was able to finish.  it’s one of those books that i can’t stop and start because i lose track of what’s happened and who’s who. it’s also written in verse so the momentum gets lost.  it was a gift from the Brit a few years ago and he attached a note that said “…in places, this poem really gets going.”  he didn’t mention that the rest of the poem drags.  i’m determined to finish it before 2010. 

the Brit got me DVD box sets from overseas – House of Eliot, Ms Marple, Little Dorrit and the Forsyte Saga.  did i also mention that the Brit is required to buy me gifts on his birthday?  He’s trying to inundate my head with BBC programmes and not Australian entertainment or people’s court.  apparently he thinks i’ve become dumber too.  Not like House of Eliot is edifying but the english accents make it sound way more intelligent than judge judy. my plan was to watch them all this weekend but i had to work!  i have therefore amended my plan to go home at 1pm today because i’ve been here since 6am trying to finish my stupid project. 

about that link to the australian programme above,  had quite a lively discussion about it at work last friday.  most of the aussies i work with were mortified and embarrassed.  others didn’t see the big deal and then spent the next few minutes convincing me that they have nothing but high opinions of black people and then talk about the one black person they met overseas and how they consider them a friend.  i told them that the “i know a black person” logic doesn’t really wash in america but neither do black face performances.  things must be different in australia.  i have my opinion on it and so do some of my colleagues and i didn’t want to get involved in the dicussion, but i’m the only american in the office so they ask me.  “do you think you guys are being oversensitive?”  you guys?  my reply – “do you think you guys are a bit bogan?”  they should know better than to ask my opinion.

got an email from my father this morning.  he only emails me when my mother has a question for me.  my mother doesn’t know how to work email.  they always start like this “mom wants to know…”  and then he always ends with “if you can please let me know and i will inform mom.”  and then he always signs off “regards”  or “kind regards.”   my daily CNN updates make me feel more warm and fuzzy than emails from my parents.  when my parents write to the Brit,  they always sign off “love.”  i’m convinced my parents love him more.  it’s probably because he always unpacks his suitcase straightaway.   he’s such a kiss ass.

I am currently obsessed with anything  WWII at the moment (hence “band of brothers” on reading list).  it’s  been ongoing for quite a while now and hasn’t faded like my obsession with quantum physics (which came about after watching a series of movies about time travel like back to the future and terminator (very scientific indeed!)).  the quantum physics thing got a bit too nerdy and i envisioned myself playing world of warcraft at a LAN party in the near future so i had to put a stop to it.  on saturday, when i got home from work, we watched three documentaries – one on patton, one on macarthur and one about the battle of britain.  i feel my brain cells regenerating.  we are watching everything that has to do with WWII in including old movies which are the only movies my father likes – finally something in common.  i’ll have to write my father an email “dear dad,  we watched tora! tora! tora!  we can discuss at a later date.  kind regards,  your daughter”  he’d probably reply to the Brit,  and cc me.  maybe not even copy me.  that’s how it is.

more talking about nothing.

yep.  just keepin’ it real.  just waitin’. haven’t heard a peep.  i’ve talked to the manager at the other site because his staff is severely understaffed and need extra help for the week so i’ve been calling around to our other sites and even getting my own team to pick up an extra shift here and there.  this is douchbag’s job especially since it’s douchbag’s site that i am staffing.  amazing, i can do both jobs at both sites at once.  so i’ve talked to him but not about the job or when we’ll meet to talk about it or not even an acknowledgement that i’m waiting.  i’m tired.  i’ve given up.  i wore a maxi dress and uggs to work knowing that he wouldn’t want to meet today.  how’s that for defeat (and not to mention blatant disregard for our corporate attire policy)?

it’s a colleague’s birthday today and for once i decided to be social and stand around with everyone and make small talk while we wished him a grrrreat birthday.  my main motivation was food.  i didn’t have brekkie or lunch and a cupcake was sounding really good even at the expense of smiling fakely and making pleasantries with people i have nothing in common with.    it at least took my mind off my crap job and now  i have a fantastic sugar high.

i have gathered most of my paperwork for my visa application. i’ve done more today than i have in the three years i talked about getting my residency.  immigration laywer with comb-over is pushing me to get the stuff done so i guess that’s all i needed.  it’s the power of the comb-over. 

so,  did you all hear about the “alien” they found in panama?  i love the story.  the kids say it was alive but then they threw rocks at it and killed it.  E.T. would’ve been a way shorter movie if they set it in panama.

this weekend is the Grand Final.  i think it’s sort of the equivalent of the super bowl but for australian rules football which, by the way,  i don’t get.  it’s one of the only sports i can think of that rewards you for innaccuracy. seriously,  if  you kick it through the uprights,  you get 6 points,  but if you miss,  that’s okay,  you’ll get a point anyway.  it’s like getting 1 point in basketball if you shoot and it rolls around the rim but doesn’t go in.  i call it the “at least you tried” point.   it’s the weekend i avoid going out because everyone and their mullet is out at the pub watching it and drinking lots of VB (that’s the champagne of beers in australia) and acting really blokey.  no thanks.  the office is buzzing and it’s all anyone can talk about.  when they try to talk to me about it i tell them that the only sport i follow is men’s figure skating.  that shuts them up immediately and they go away.  you should try it sometime (not recommended if you’re a boy).

okey dokey friends.  until tomorrow. 

in this one i just babble.

so,  we’re trying to hire people for sydney and melbourne and one of the applicants forwarded us a link to their blog.  um, yeah,  probably not a good idea to do that if you’re going to post daily about your adventures in binge drinking and puking on public transport. 

it seems that i have a new responsibility and that would be writer.  my manager writes reports and sends them to me to re-write/wordsmith.  i’m not a writer, it’s not my thing.  it all started when i happened to see something he wrote (which was atrocious) and i crossed it all out and rewrote it for him.  i should’ve learnt my lesson.  if i didn’t have a job offer coming to me on monday then i might complain,  but i’ll keep my mouth shut…for now.

no job news today but i didn’t expect there would be.  monday is the day and it better happen that day or else  i will lose it.  ever see michael douglas in that movie “falling down”?  that’ll be me.  except cuter.  and in more stylish clothes.

it’s official,  i’m getting my permanent residency. i know, i know, i’ve talked about it in the past and my airy fairy deadline for getting the paperwork done but it’s getting done now for real.  my company is paying for half and they even hired me a migration attorney to do most of the work.  he actually sounds kind of dodgey but i looked him up on the immigration website and he’s legit.  i talked to him on the phone and he sounds like a portly man with a double breasted pin stripecd suit and massive comb over.  i’ll never know.  he lives in brisbane so our correspondence is via email and phone.  he says i should get it in 6 weeks.  yay…i guess.  the word “permanent” really freaks me out. 

once i’m a resident,   i’ll be eligible for the government run socialist healthcare called Medicare (oooh scary).   i’ll probably keep my private health insurance not because the public healthcare is bad, but because i’m american,  i like jumping through hoops,  and if i don’t have health insurance, i freak out.  oh, and it’s really cheap,  like $187 a month for the same type of plan i had in america that cost a trillion times  more.  the Brit is on Medicare and doesn’t complain.  can go to the doctor when he wants,  can go to specialists and doesn’t have to wait.  he says it’s not as good as the health system in england but it’s waaaay better than what we’ve got going on in america.  there’s nothing to be afraid of government healthcare but maybe it’s easier for me to say that since i’m on the other side of the fence.  and i tried to convince my parents that it was all good when i was home last time but i always get dismissed as the liberal black sheep of the family.  my parents and sister are die hard republicans.  it makes family get togethers fun.  we used to get into heated arguments but not anymore.  they just feel sorry for me and send me emails with religious overtones to try to make me more conservative.  i set up a rule in my outlook to delete those.

the dinner menu at work got sent around early today so i actually got to have a peek a few minutes ago.  the restaurant is asian but yet there is chicken parmagiana on the menu.  wtf?  chicken parma is on every frackin’ menu at every restaurant i’ve been to.  it’s at every takeaway place down the road from work – the ubiquitious chicken parma sandwhich/wrap/panini.  it is to Austalia what potato skins are to America.  not a bloomin’ onion in sight though.

it’s finally friday and i am thrilled.    we are seeing a broadcast of “la boheme”‘ from convent garden tomorrow at the cinema and other than that,  we have nothing going on.  i plan on lounging around in my jammies and watching period dramas and reading books.  i started “bleak house” months ago and i’m not even halfway through it.  i’m going to have to start it over again just to get the characters straight.  and i downloaded a “welcome to australia, life in victoria” booklet today from the immigration website.  maybe i’ll read that too. i started reading it and got up to the point where it said that “in Australia,  we do not kiss or hug people we don’t know”.  yeah, in america, if that happened, you’d get maced in the eye.  weird.

have a nice weekend peeps! i’ll talk to you monday.  peace out.

restaurant review

i was asked to provide feedback on The Italian Waiters Club (oddly enough, by someone not in Australia…you know who you are and if you plan on visiting,  you better tell me!).  I went there with a girlfriend after work a couple of weeks ago and here’s my recap.

My poor girlfriend!  she walked up the collins street hill to my office in heels!  she’s crazy but i’m totally feelin’ her sore feet so i suggest we just go to the bar across from the restaurant for a quick drink before our booking at 6.30.  now the restaurant is in some little laneway off one of the main drags in the CBD (Bourke street) and we weren’t sure which way to turn once we got there.  i of course suggested turning the wrong way and had to turn back but we found it. by this point, i think my friend was considering cutting off her feet.   it’s not that hidden away really.  some of the bars in the city are tucked deep into long winding laneways.  this one is easy to find if you don’t listen to my crap sense of direction.  much to our relief there were two empty stools next to some super annoying girl with blond fluffy hair and her friend clad in suit, pointy white shoes and mullet (love melbourne).  after having vodka (me) and some weird pinkish champagne (yeah i know, i looked at her weird),  we decided to ascend the rickety stairs that lead to the restaurant.

i flung open the door and it was like a tiny version of denny’s.  actually, that’s not fair.  the waitresses don’t wear ugly brown uniforms and there wasn’t a group of emo kids sitting in the corner talking about jack kerouac/dungeons & dragons whilst taking advantage of the free coffee refill policy (hey, we all know who i’m talking about here).  it was a diner,  with formica tables,  non descript chairs and little vases with a flower in them (i can’t remember if it was a real flower).  my first thought was “i can’t believe this place takes bookings.”  good thing they do though because the place was busy.  we were shown to our table which was next to the Pepsi cooler and were told that our menu was on blackboards strategically placed in the two places in the restaurant that made it hard for us to read.  i ordered lasagne and my friend got spaghetti and meatballs and we both got a glass of wine and some garlic bread.

before the meal came,  my girlfriend asked me if there was a money machine nearby because she only had $20 in cash.  i told her that i had about $1oo so we should be okay but if not,  one of us can run out.

oh the wine. they serve it in juice glasses filled almost to the top. it was great! one glass and i was right for the rest of the night.

garlic bread.  nothing spectacular but it did tick the boxes of (a) being bread and (b) having garlic on it.  i like the frozen garlic bread from the supermarket so i’m probably not the best person to judge but i thought it was good.

food.  omg.  so. good.  portions were quite large and we both said that there was no way we would be able to finish.  yeah right.  twenty minutes later,  we were practically licking our plates to get the last of the sauce.

we didn’t have room for dessert shamefully.  if the brit were with us,  he would have had dessert anyway.  but us, being two girly girls who are supposed to be conscious of our figures and all that antiquated jazz,  decided to forego dessert.  i actually think the prospect of my friend having to run to the ATM machine in her heels scared her off (though i would’ve offered to go!).  we asked for the bill and it was $50.  my girlfriend looked at me and said “each?”  i had to double check the bill but it was $50 for both of us.  damn, we could’ve had the tiramisu but there’s always next time.

so there you go - my experience (and more).   i’d go there again.  i’d definitely recommend it.  i’m dying to take the brit there.  if you come to melbourne,  you should check it out (and the flower drum which is my favourite!). 

and another day.

a day spent reading more CVs.  i’m over it all – exceeding expectations, leading by example, mulit-tasking,  working alone and in a team with minimal supervision,  blah blah blah.  it’s all just fluff.  everyone that has strong attention to detail somehow forgot to use spellcheck.  someone’s motto was “learn, unlearn, relearn”  wtf?  my motto is “delegate.”  and someone else put “buying stuff for the house my parents are building for me” as an attribute.  huh? thanks for sharing but i don’t care about your trips to ikea. my head hurts.  i’ve shortlisted the candidates for my manager and i’m just waiting for the go-ahead to do phone interviews.  did i mention that i don’t like others? i think i’m getting dumber reading these CVs. pretty soon i’ll just randomly say things like “i embrace challenges” and “i am deadline-oriented and proactive” because i don’t know anything else to say.

today i said something extremely australian (“give me a hoi this arvo and we’ll get it sorted”) which impressed some colleagues but left me shocked and dismayed.  i was just distracted by a  fresh box of krispy kreme donuts on someone’s desk.  they think they’re winning but  i will not succumb.  

so,  on other things australian,  i was reading the age and was drawn to this headline ‘Teabagging’ case sees military court declared invalid’ only because there was all this talk of tea parties/teabagging in america from right wing whackos (apologies to any right wing whackos who read this blog,  i’m just a whacko in general so it’s said with love).  i thought it would be a case of australia copying americans and their political antics but much to my surprise (and amusement)…um,  well, it’s not the same.  surely they could have re-worded the headline.

and that is my interesting story.  aren’t you glad you tuned in?

australia and all its wonders

really,  this post should be titled “people and things that fascinate/confound me” because it could happen anywhere i suppose, not just australia but that title doesn’t sound as punchy.   so here goes…

• the man who works somewhere in my building who will wait for the revolving door to do one full revolution before going through.  it could be devoid of people and he will still wait.  we arrive at work at roughly the same time every morning so i have the pleasure of witnessing his OCD.  if i’m a bit early,  i stay outside for a bit longer until he arrives to see if he does it again (i guess you can say that i like to watch).  and he does.
• the person at the cross walk who will pres the button repeatedly and quite vigourously for the green walking man to appear.  it’s worth mentioning that this person was probably standing behind me and saw me press the button already.  perhaps i didn’t slam it hard enough.  i’ve never noticed a direct correlation between how many times you press the button and when the light turns green.  my guess is that there is none but a lot of people must think it works.  I tell people that watching their report print makes the printer actually go faster.  same principle i think.
• vegemite.  i think it’s the same as marmite.  it’s all just brown goop to me.  and it tastes like brown goop.
• mullets.  they are everywhere here.  i didn’t notice them when i was back in america, maybe i’m out of the loop and they’re really popular again. 
• Twitter.  everyone at work keeps talking about how great it is.  why?  the media made a big deal about it because crusty old GOP senators were using it.  that for me was a signal that it was not cool.  it’s like the first time i heard my mother say “talk to the hand.”  i don’t think i said it ever again after that (except to my mother). btw,  they also use facebook.  not cool.
• australian commercials.  not all of them but one in particular that really irked me.  i’d throw my hands up every time it came up on the telly and wonder how it ever got past the “ideas table” at the ad agency.  it was a tampon commercial with a beaver (um, the animal) in it.  there’d be scenes of some super happy chick at the beach with this animated beaver,  both laying in the sun,  while two unrealistically toned men walk by and check out the girl and her beaver.  seriously, wtf?  cut to the last scene where the chick and her beaver  friend are at dinner and she gives the beaver a box of tampons as a gift.  hello?  focus group?  don’t believe me?  it’s on youtube.  see it for yourself.
• The woman who sells the Big Issue down the street from my office.  we happened to be on the same tram as her quite a while ago and accused the Brit of being a Free mason.  wha…?  then went on to talk about how they’re bad and i should watch myself.  apparently the Brit did some hand geture while he was telling me a story that i think is a signal used amongst free masons.  again, i say,  WTF? !  the brit and i ignored her (and this was well over a year ago) and she still bloody remembers me.  she always says something to me  when i walk past her.  i think she’s trying to pick a fight with me.  i ignore her.  she always has weird messages written on the side of the box she keeps the Big Issue in.  a few weeks ago it was “Ahmadinejad is sexy.”  For a while during the american election, it was “Vote for Obama” which i thought was amusing since you can’t vote for the american president if you’re not american.  this morning it was something about free masons (i couldn’t really see the message and i didn’t want to slow for fear she may try to talk to me about my free mason husband).  the woman is weird.  and what did a free mason ever do to her?

enough already.

it’s only wednesday…  ugh.

was the big announcement yesterday at 5pm life shattering?  no.
was it important?  no.
the announcement?  we won new business.
does that mean we get raises?  no.
so…do i care?  emphatic NO.
did my boss bring me donuts? no.

it’s been a wonderful week so far.  on a positive note, i’ve been such a grouch at work that i have co-workers buying me lunch to sweeten me up.  makes me thnk that coming into work grouchy is the way to go from now on.

Project Runway Australia starts tonight and while i hated last season (because nothing will EVER compare to the American version, right?) i have set the DVR to record it every week.  there’s a trailer for it that lasts about 15 minutes that they’ve been showing for the past week.  it looks ghastly but i love crap TV.  i made the Brit watch a Mrs Marple movie with me the other day.  I thought he would enjoy it simply because it was British but bad TV is bad TV no matter where it comes from and he couldn’t help but laugh the whole way through and make narky commentary. 

The Brit can laugh at me all he wants for watching old people shows on TV but i caught him washing a paper plate the other day and that’ll give me weeks of “you’re weirder than me” mileage.  The Kiwi baked eclairs and brought some over on a paper plate (mind you this is a paper plate, not one of those disposable plastic plates).  the next thing i know, i see the Brit scrubbing the chocolate off of it and running it under the tap to return to the Kiwi.  WEIRDO.

crap. boss back from meeting.  gotta look busy.

tuesday.

a colleague of mine made the mistake of giving me sheets of bubble wrap to play with.  and they thought i couldn’t get any more annoying… 

my throat is killing me.  it’s a vicious circle -this cold/flu thing that i started here months ago.  it seems that it has found its way back to me.  my plan is to sweat it out with a long workout when i get home from work if my clothes are dry – i actually did a load of laundry last night.  the brit thought that aliens had taken over my body.  (hee hee, i said “load”).  anyway, the weather here has been really weird and i think it’s messing with me. my body is telling me to stay in bed.

tom cruise is in melbourne because his whats-her-name is filming a movie here.  i’m thinking i might hang out around the scientology institute (it’s down the road from my office) and see if there are any tom sightings (and maybe get a stress test while i’m there).  i’m going to have a find a poster of “cocktail” and ask him to autograph it citing it as his “best movie ever!”  i’m sure he’ll love me (everyone does!)

…. my bubble wrap just got taken away from me.  crapbags.  i’m going home.  promise to write more tomorrow.

city o’puke

so according to the Economist,  Melbourne is ranked 3rd on the world’s most liveable cities. and while i admit that the weather is more than agreeable, people friendly, cost of living cheap, blah blah blah – melbourne deserves another distinction - the pukiest city.  okay, so i know i haven’t lived in every city in the world but i’ve lived in chicago and new york,  visited LA, london, boston, amsterdam, mexico city, tokyo, and many other big cities. i’ve never seen as much puke on the streets as i have here in little old melbourne.  i dread walking to work on friday (after thursday night bar nights) or saturday/sunday mornings walks into the city.  i always have to dodge at least one puddle of puke along the way.  i don’t get it -  at least puke next to a tree, not in the middle of the sidewalk.  i thought this was strictly my own experience,  but i mentioned it to two people i work with (who are aussies) and they agree with me (and whey wouldn’t they?  i’m always right after all!).