telephone interview.

I can group them in three different categories

Liars
me: … just out of curiosity, what is the difference between helvetica and arial.
interviewee:   you wouldn’t notice the difference unless you really knew what to look for.
me: yes, so what do you look for?
interviewee:  it’s all in the details
me:  yes, so what are those details?
interviewee:  do i need to know this for the job?
me: no, but you say you know the difference in your cover letter.
interviewee:  oh, i didn’t think you would ask.

Overshare
me:  hello.  is this [name]?
interviewee:  yes.  sorry.  can you hear me okay?  i’m in the bathroom. 
me:  um, do you want me to call back at a better time?
interviewee:  no it’s okay.  i’m almost done.
me:  how nice.

Insult potential boss
me:  how do you feel about working with tight deadlines?
interviewee:  well, it depends how tight the deadline is.
me:  deadlines here are usually less than an hour.  sometimes they only give you 15 minutes.
interviewee:  oh, i wouldnt’ cope well at all.  but then you just tell them they can’t have it.
me:  sometimes, though, you can’t say that to a client
interviewee: then you need to manage the work better

other things.

ever since i made the decision to stay,  my manager has loaded me up on work and i’ve been snowed under all week and i am exhausted.  i am going to bed at 8pm tonight come hell or high water.  my french ms marple movie (ooh la la) will have to wait.

the brit’s birthday is coming up and i’ve given up trying to find the perfect gift for him.  i told him to order whatever he wants on amazon and i’ll pay for it.  how’s that for lazy?  i told him to pick out things that i would like too.  how’s that for selfish? i’m going to convince him that he wants a new bookshelf or even better, a prada bag.

i’m back on my reading kick.  i haven’t been reading a lot and i think i’ve gotten dumber because of it.  i’m going to try to read a book a week.  i tried to read 100 novels in six months because i remember reading somwhere that someone else had done it.  i came close but it didn’t happen.  i also managed to get the worst grades ever and i was tired all the time.  i’m not going to be that ambitious.  i’m currently reading a collection of Ibsen plays but i’m not sure if that’s such a good choice to begin with.  i may switch to a book the Brit got by Robert Graves which looks interesting.  I’ll let you know how i go.  I’ve put a thingo (that’s the technical name for it) on the side of my blog that i will update with my progress.  yet another thing for you to gaze at.

oh  my goodness,  one of the assistants here just got me a bottle of port!  how nice.  it was for an invite i had done for her ages ago.  hmm, maybe going to bed at 8pm may not happen…

what do i talk about now?

the dramas with my job have been endless blog fodder for weeks and now that it’s over,  i have no idea what to talk about.  is my life really that boring?

on friday i told my manager that i needed to think about my future and that may possibly mean tendering my resignation on monday which elicited the desired response from my manager: “let’s talk monday and talk about making you happy so you’ll stay.”  i didn’t get my hopes up though,  i now see how things work around here.  and it’s not like i was really going to quit (right away).   i need to get my permanent residency first and they’re paying for it. 

other than feeling sorry for myself about my job,  we didn’t do much else this past weekend.  we went to a 40th birthday party on sunday where the kids outnumbered the adults.  my throat was hoarse from having to talk over the shrieking munchkins.   when they brought out the birthday cake with 3 feet of icing on it,  we knew it was time to leave.  my ears were ringing after the party like i had been to a metallica concert.  children are loud.

monday came and i had to go in at 6am for a huge project so by the time we had our talk at 3pm,  i was shit for brains. i said everything i wanted to say – i printed out an email from the brit outlining what i should say.  i ticked the points off as i went along but my supporting arguments were probably fragmented and muddled.  that’s what you get for pulling me out of bed at 4am.  in the end,  i’m getting a payrise and more responsibility and i don’t have to report to the douchbag which makes me happy for now.  when the douchbag does start,  we’ll see what happens.   i may have to make him cry to understand how things really are meant to be here.

so it’s a new week now and i am officially moving forward and not dwelling.  so no more feeling sorry for myself and whinging (about the job only -  there’s always something else to be melodramatic about).  since i’ll be around for the grand arrival of the douchbag,  i’m sure he will entertain me (and you) for months to come.  let the good times roll.

shit day.

recap.

7.45 am  walked to work while pissing down rain.  stepped in a puddle and had wet stockings and cold toes.  great start to my day.

10:00 am  found out about job.  turned out to be completely different than what i wanted,  no pay rise and i would actually be doing the same thing i do here.  very hard to control my anger.  they kept me in suspense for weeks over this? 

8:00am – 4:45pm  worst job in the world but in the end,  i turned it into a piece of art.  everyone was well pleased.

2:30pm  went downstairs for fresh air.  it started to rain. 

4:58pm  found out that the external client decided to scrap the piece of art that i worked on all day and revert back to the ugly 80’s original version because they couldn’t get the font to work on their computer and I.T.  was out partying for Grand Final weekend.  WTF?!

5:02pm  just found out that everyone else wants to use the one that i designed so may have to come in on sunday and fix it after stupid external client gets done mucking around with it.

the one bright spot?  it’s friday.

hating on unicorns.

believe it of not they do exist.  the one i was looking for finally appeared.  i was right when i said it would gouge out my soul and stomp on my heart.  unicorns are assholes.  will write the whole story later.

unicorn hunting.

still hunting for that mythical unicorn. i’m pretty sure they don’t exist. my manager has “escalated” the issue.  mock concern for my feelings.  the guy who i’m waiting for is the highest one on the food chain here.  who the crap is my manager going to escalate to?  my mother said she’s praying for me so i have jesus and the holy spirit covered.

i spent the day going through CVs.  quality.  i’m being extra nit picky because it’s for my team.  i want to hire a boy because then i’d be able to make him lift boxes and other boy chores.  the only boy cv i got that has relevant experience says that “great customer service is my middle name.”  how naff.  he also has a highly evolved attention to detail “like the difference between arial and helvetica”.  is he comparing himself to a font or is he telling me that he can tell me the difference between the two?  he “can type 55+ words a minute while in the zone“.  sadly, i’m going to call him and do a phone interview.  i find the part in his CV “can start immediately” the most pertinent.  another one put her aunt as their referee which i guess is fine but you just don’t want to put the title “Aunt” in italics under her name.  will i call this person? probably.  that’s how desparate the situation is.  hey,  one of these guys may shock me by being absolutely brilliant.  yep.  and unicorns are real.

feeling bitter.  need to go home and have the brit pay extra attention to me.  ’til tomorrow.  keep it real.

parentals.

my mom called me at work this morning.  she thinks because i’m all the way in australia and she’s in america she has to yell really loud, like we’re talking through tin cans connected with string.  do you know that she was calling to ask me if i unpacked my suitcase??  i’m serious. she’s afraid the brit is going to divorce me due to my slacker ways and then i’ll have to move back in with them.  and then a 5 minute conversation about the weather and then something about how she found one of my shoes from when i was in high school and do i still want them (um, are doc martens coming back?) and then a 10 minute conversation about why i don’t have the job yet (as if i’m not feeling bad enough about it).  the whole time my mother is talking yelling,  my father is in the background yelling at her to yell stuff at me.  they are nuts but i love them. 

drum roll please…

nothing! he has the day off today.  nice, right?  supposedly i’m supposed to hear something tomorrow.  f*cking tomorrow.  tomorrow is the mythical unicorn that, when it finally does appear,  will gouge out my soul with its horn and stomp on my heart with its hoof.  unicorns are dumb.

my theory about that alien (see link in my previous post) is that it actually was a human sitting around waiting to hear about a job and the agony mutated him into that creature.   he actually told the kids to throw rocks at him to kill him and end his misery.  it’s just a theory.

more talking about nothing.

yep.  just keepin’ it real.  just waitin’. haven’t heard a peep.  i’ve talked to the manager at the other site because his staff is severely understaffed and need extra help for the week so i’ve been calling around to our other sites and even getting my own team to pick up an extra shift here and there.  this is douchbag’s job especially since it’s douchbag’s site that i am staffing.  amazing, i can do both jobs at both sites at once.  so i’ve talked to him but not about the job or when we’ll meet to talk about it or not even an acknowledgement that i’m waiting.  i’m tired.  i’ve given up.  i wore a maxi dress and uggs to work knowing that he wouldn’t want to meet today.  how’s that for defeat (and not to mention blatant disregard for our corporate attire policy)?

it’s a colleague’s birthday today and for once i decided to be social and stand around with everyone and make small talk while we wished him a grrrreat birthday.  my main motivation was food.  i didn’t have brekkie or lunch and a cupcake was sounding really good even at the expense of smiling fakely and making pleasantries with people i have nothing in common with.    it at least took my mind off my crap job and now  i have a fantastic sugar high.

i have gathered most of my paperwork for my visa application. i’ve done more today than i have in the three years i talked about getting my residency.  immigration laywer with comb-over is pushing me to get the stuff done so i guess that’s all i needed.  it’s the power of the comb-over. 

so,  did you all hear about the “alien” they found in panama?  i love the story.  the kids say it was alive but then they threw rocks at it and killed it.  E.T. would’ve been a way shorter movie if they set it in panama.

this weekend is the Grand Final.  i think it’s sort of the equivalent of the super bowl but for australian rules football which, by the way,  i don’t get.  it’s one of the only sports i can think of that rewards you for innaccuracy. seriously,  if  you kick it through the uprights,  you get 6 points,  but if you miss,  that’s okay,  you’ll get a point anyway.  it’s like getting 1 point in basketball if you shoot and it rolls around the rim but doesn’t go in.  i call it the “at least you tried” point.   it’s the weekend i avoid going out because everyone and their mullet is out at the pub watching it and drinking lots of VB (that’s the champagne of beers in australia) and acting really blokey.  no thanks.  the office is buzzing and it’s all anyone can talk about.  when they try to talk to me about it i tell them that the only sport i follow is men’s figure skating.  that shuts them up immediately and they go away.  you should try it sometime (not recommended if you’re a boy).

okey dokey friends.  until tomorrow. 

this is where i bitch and feel sorry for myself.

can you believe my meeting today to discuss my job got postponed?!  he said maybe tomorrow.  there we go again.  tomorrow. 

i am wearing my “i’m-a-serious-professional” dress today and it is also the most uncomfortable one that i own.  i am suffering for nothing!

hate today.

hate “tomorrow”.