sick day.

ugh.  i hate taking sick days when i’m sick but it had to be done.  the sneezing has stopped but now i have a nasty chesty cough which sounds gross.  i’m under strict orders from the Brit to stay warm, rested and hydrated. darn, i guess that means no chores for me.  i’ve been bored out of my mind all day.  i watched back to back episodes of “murder she wrote” and “antiques roadshow” and “peoples court” and all before noon.  i think i’m back at work tomorrow because i do feel better except for the cough.  i would like to share the love with others at work.

i also watched a horrible movie with richard gere and winona ryder.  a sappy love story which was so bad i couldn’t unglue my eyes from the telly.  i almost cried at the end but then i regained my sanity and switched the channel to jerry springer.  tranvestite cousins in love…so much more realistic.  i can’t stay home another day.  the Brit may come home and find me significantly dumber – IQ points diminished from watching hours of daytime television.  the only things i’ll be able to say is “you are the weakest link, goodbye.” it’s a good thing i have Charles Dickens’ “Bleak House” to read during the down times…while i’m waiting for “Law and Order” to start. Did i mention i have cabin fever?

so tomorrow i will write more.  my head is all foggy with cold medicine, tea, bad television and soup.   i just wanted to drop you all a quick line and say hello.

scare tactics and other tuesday happenings.

so i’m sick today.  sneezing, coughy, nasty sick.  everyone at work is telling me to go home because swine flu is going around and i should be careful.  since when is swine flu “going around” in australia?  last i checked, there were zero cases here and i don’t remember being in mexico lately (however now i have an urge for mexican food).  they’re just trying to scare me i think.  it’s not working.  oink oink i say!  i do feel pretty miserable though.  it’s because i haven’t worked out but now i don’t feel like it because i feel wretched.  oh! what a tangled web i weave!

today i did an entire design job with my right hand whilst holding/eating a cheese cracker with my left.  it wasn’t the most complicated of jobs but i felt well pleased with myself once i sent that baby back to the client.  i wanted to add a p.s. at the end of my email (which i typed with one hand) telling him of my amazing accomplishment but i didn’t think he’d care.  the sketch he brought over now has little grease spots where cheese cracker crumbs fell on to the page,  a true mark of my achievement.  i was quite relieved when he didn’t ask for it back. 

i had a dream last night that i got fired and woke up all freaked out.  it’s a good thing i don’t take dreams at face value because i really don’t feel like going “above and beyond” today  to justify my position here (or any day for that matter). i think i just started thinking about all the money i laid out for my new elliptical machine and the possible trip to america this year and fact that i found five new pairs of shoes yesterday that i haven’t even worn yet … i thought to myself that if i got fired,  i’d be screwed.  i’d have to make the Brit start paying for sex to fund my shoe fund.  i got an email from my boss this afternoon talking about renewing my work visa for another four years when my current one expires next year so i think i have nothing to worry about. but, to be on the safe side, the next time my boss is down from sydney, i won’t give him such a hard time about getting me a donut. 

monday.

hey, mondays aren’t so bad when you don’t have to work.  i actually wasn’t planning on posting today, but in a burst of productivity, i thought i’d give it a go.  i started off by cleaning my closet which is a daunting task.  i thought i would find the one red shoe that has been MIA for the past week but no luck.  feeling discouraged,  i decided to take the next logical step – blog about it.  i bought the shoes months ago when we went to america and they have never been worn.  now, i finally want to wear them and i can’t find one.  isn’t that how it always is?

it is well and truly winter here i’m afraid.  the sky is grey and angry.  people are in their winter coats, huddled up in layers of scarves and hats,  their breath visible as they hurriedly walk down the street,  all the while muttering that they can’t believe summer is gone…

…oh, i got a bit literary there for a moment.  i’ve been reading a lot of charles dickens lately.  i wish i could write like him.  anyway, back to the closet.

closet is clean.  there, that’s all i wanted to say about that.  i planned on doing n-o-t-h-i-n-g for the day, but when i rang the Brit up at work to see how his day was going, he seemed surprised that i hadn’t moved from my position on the couch which is where he left me this morning.  feeling suddenly guilty,  i brushed the cookie crumbs off my lap, put my book away and went downstairs to clean my closet.  i envisioned the Brit being rather pleasantly surprised that i had accomplished something today and perhaps giving me a prize for being so good. 

the weekend was good except for one hiccup.  every friday,  the Brit and I order Indian food to be delivered for dinner.  the Brit forgot to order my tandoori chicken.  i threw a fit.  i mean, i threw a fit.  it was pretty major and psycho and a culmination of a bad week and being extremely homesick and having no friends but man, i lost it.  and again, as always,  the “sane” me is watching the psycho me freak out.  i’m trying to tell myself to shut the f*ck up and stop being so girlie and mean, but i can’t listen to reason.  the rant went on for about 15 minutes and then i was feeling rather foolish. during my rant,  i managed to call the indian restaurant to order my chicken,  all sniffly and pathetic.  the guy on the other end of the phone asked me if iwanted a full or half order and i said full.  when it arrived,  he apparently thought i said “four” and we ended up with four chickens.  the Brit wondered why it cost $70. so then i got all sniffly again and said that the Brit was going to make me eat it all as punishment for being psycho but he’s too nice to do that.  in the end, i only had one piece of chicken.  i’m such crap. i’m so not normal.  how the Brit puts up with me, i will never know. we talked about my “outburst” for the rest of the night and me being homesick so by the end i was laughing and feeling better and not so stupid. i’ve taken a week and a half off from working out. when i don’t work out i get depressed and stupid but i’m having a hard time finding the motivation to start up again.  i hope my Bloggy Twin is still at it every morning,  you are my inspiration.

the rest of the weekend was brilliant. we had fancy dinner on saturday which was fantastic and then we went shopping on sunday. i got two new games for my nintendo and i got a fur deer-stalker hat for the winter.  i love it (for those of you that don’t know,  beside shoes, i’m a hat fiend).  i’ve been looking for one for ages and finally came across one at the army surplus shop.  when i put the earflaps down, i can barely hear people talking around me.  i may have to wear it while i work. 

saturday was ANZAC day in australia which is a public holiday.  it celebrates the battle of Gallipoli from WWI…which is a bit odd because the allies lost that battle but you know,  i’m sure there’s more to it than that.  to be honest, i’m not too interested in holidays unless gift-giving is involved.  in honour of ANZAC day, the kiwi made anzac cookies.  yum.  i had five i think.  i was feeling extra australian (and piggy).

i’m back at work tomorrow but i feel well-rested and relaxed about it.  a feeling that will surely dissipate the moment i walk into the lift but such is life.  time for me to go.  the Brit will be home soon and i’m dying to tell him what happened on Judge Judy today.  ha!

friday!

i am bored shitless.  the weather today is atrocious which adds to my lethargy.  i don’t ever remember it being this slow at work for the three years i’ve been here.  this economy downturn sucks. the good news is that it’s friday and i have monday off so it’s a long weekend for me.

i think we will be making a trip to america this winter (summer for you northern hemisphere folks) so i’m very excited thinking about it.  i’m hoping we’ll be able to have at least three weeks but it depends on the brit and whether he’ll be able to take that much time off.  he actually has work responsibilities that he cares about.  he makes me look like such a slacker.  it’s really cheap to fly right now so it won’t cost a mint to fly home like it did last year.  now i will constantly be on the currency exchange site to see what the aussie dollar is compared to the US.  right now it’s $1.40 AUD to $1 USD which isn’t great but hopefully it’ll get better.

this morning we noticed that steve, the balcony plant, has actually spit out a flower!  i’ve ignored him for two weeks now, not watering him or talking to him and look what happens!  i think i live in bizarro world where i get opposite results.  i lose weight when i don’t work out and my plant thrives when i don’t take care of it.  i’m thinking that maybe i’ll make more money if i don’t work.  what do you think?

i’ve spent the day reading reviews and researching the elliptical machine i bought.  the Brit says it’s nice to see that i’m doing my homework.  next time, i may remember to do it before i purchase something but i doubt it.  i have the Brit to keep my grounded and keep me from buying stuff i don’t need (if i am willing to listen to him).

so, no big plans for the weekend.  we have our fancy dinner/date night on saturday and then other than that,  nothing (the Brit will find chores to do,  i’ll find movies to watch).  hope you all have a nice weekend. stay tuned for the titillating weekend recap from me.  will i eat meat or won’t i?  how many times will i pout to get my way?  will i actually do chores?  will i water my plant?  do i wear something other than pajamas on my days off?  will i finally finish playing paper mario on the wii? inquiring mind want to know i’m sure and i’ll have answers for you on monday.

the home stretch.

almost friday.  almost. friday.  that’s what i’ve been repeating over and over again. 

i’m actually having a good day.  for the first time in ages, i got to work on something that i’m really happy with.  i was just given the brief “make it look good” and was told to go wild.  they had no expectations for a truck on the front cover or a drilling rig on every page.  it was great and in the end, i think it looks wonderful.  if only every job i have could be like this!  i also was able to stretch the job out for the entire day.  with my project management skills at an all-time high,  i was able to  meet a girlfriend for coffee which is definitely a good thing because  i almost forgot that i really do have friends here that i like! 

i’m going into “meat training mode” today and tomorrow in preparation for our fancy dinner at the Flower Drum on Saturday.  i haven’t been able to eat any meat without feeling sick afterwards and with me being allergic to all things from the sea,  my choices there will be sparse if i don’t get over this.  imagine me in front of a chicken drumstick,  “eye of the tiger” playing in the background, my steely stare,  sweat band around my head,  towel around my neck, jogging in place, the Brit in a corner with a spew bucket yelling words of encouragement like “show that drumstick who’s boss” and “be strong” …  okay, so it won’t be like that but i do have a flair for the dramatic.  but i’ll be fine. i know i will.  i just need to adjust.

i ordered my elliptical machine today! yay!  i’m so excited.  now i have to offload my old one.  the new one is apparently very large.  it should arrive in a week or so. i can’t wait. i’m going to be a workout maniac.  i’ve been such a bad girl lately – i’ve taken a week and a half off from working out.  i’m such crap.  but i actually lost weight.  how that happens, i don’t know.  the fact that i spent so much money on it should guilt me into working out every day. that’s the logic i used with the Brit.  i think he bought it… or he didn’t want to hear me whine.  either way, i won and it’s on it’s way.   

til tomorrow my lovelies. 

x

shopping.

this so describes shopping with the Brit.  i caught him staring at a shelf of canned corn rather intensely and later he explained he was doing sums in his head – whether buying the 4-pack really resulted in a cost savings rather than buying 4 tins separately.  his findings resulted in a 10¢ cost savings.  he did the same thing with bottles of juice (large vs. the smaller size) this past weekend – we ended up with 4 small bottles instead of the big one. nerd. one time, he asked a sales lady to list the pros and cons of three toasters he picked out,  explain why there was a price difference between the three, and to go through the features of each one.  he then had to walk away and have a think about the cost benefit and features.  i already picked one out because it looked like a spaceship and thought it was pretty.  we apparently didn’t need the crumpet setting so we didn’t get it (i’ve only had a crumpet once so i can see his point i guess). 

so which shopping team are you?  the Brit and I usually are GOOD but a few times we have been REALLY BAD and ended up not getting what we needed for a while (it took us an entire weekend to buy a coffee grinder). 

wish list.

top ten things i wish for this morning (in no particular order):

1. manned coffee station at my desk
2. pajamas become the required dresscode at work
3. a donut
4. mandatory nap time
5. a soundproof barrier around my desk
6. that someone here besides me knows how to load paper in the printer
7. the zipper on my trousers will stay zipped when i stand up
8. forced evacuation of our building
9. that someone offers to buy me lunch today
10. that i become impervious to excruciating foot pain caused by stupid shoes

lurkers.

as i was pulling my tights up in the lift,  i thought about hidden cameras in elevators and whether ours had them.  that would suck.  a bunch of old, farty security guards lurking around a small television screen watching me adjust my undergaments  whilst i  sing along to the celine dion song playing.  this cannot be good for me.  and now i’m paranoid.  every time i walk by the security desk,  i think they’re sniggering at me.  i’m being paranoid aren’t i?  oh well.  didn’t stop me from shoving an entire brownie in my mouth before i got to my floor (i’m sure that looked really attractive).  i didn’t want my manager to see me with a sweet because then he wouldn’t get me the donut i’ve been craving since i caught a whiff of them down the hall.  he didn’t get me one anyway.  crapbag.  and why do i come into work? 

my pet peeves for the day.

tights.
i’ve gotten into the habit of buying hosiery at the supermarket.  it’s just so convenient.  i once bought a pair of nylons for $98 and the day i wore them, they got caught on a nail and got a big hole.  i almost started to cry.  whilst checking to make sure that i didn’t get control top this time,  i of course don’t bother to check which size i got.  as i walk, i can feel them starting to inch down until the crotch is almost at knee level.  i’m constantly pulling them up and trying oh-so-subtly to do it at my desk when no one is looking.  i look like i’m having back spasms in my chair as i’m trying to pull them up as high as they’ll go.  they are now pulled up almost to my torso.  the toes are bunched up at the end of my shoe.  i’m a mess.  i started pulling them up in the lift but  i wasn’t paying attention when the door opened on another level and i was in mid pulling-action when a guy walks on.   i can’t quite recall what position i was in, but i’m sure it wasn’t very attractive.

people who open the wrong end of boxes
the end of the box of biscuits is clearly labelled “open other end” but yet this is the end that is opened.  so now the box doesn’t close properly and the biscuits get all stale.  i should also mention that these are my biscuits, with my name on it which someone here has ignored.  i work with tossers.

people who, when walking down a congested street,  will stop suddenly to look at something.
wtf people?  you just can’t stop all of a sudden!  it causes a chain reaction of people bumping into each other and it’s bad enough that my tights are starting to get tangled around my ankles.  i need to get back to my desk asap to fix myself and i don’t need anything holding me up.

one day, there will be a time when nothing annoys me.  but then, what would i have to write about?  i’d be boring.

weekend roundup.

i’ve made a habit of writing things to blog about as i happen upon them as i (literally) stumble my way thru life.  problem is,  i switch bags quite often,  lose things, throw random bits away that i actually need, blah blah blah.  things happen, or i see something, and i think to myself “must write about that” but due to old age, i won’t remember by the time it’s time to write.  i was quite proud of myself for being so organised and writing my thoughts down but it doesn’t do any good when i write them (with MAC lip liner) on the back of an old receipt that i later use to blot my lipstick.  such is my life.  maybe one day i’ll learn.  probably not.

this weekend was lovely.  we did nothing as usual.  the Brit had to work on saturday which left me to my own devices which could be dangerous for the pocketbook.  i was itching to shop and i had to run out to get some coffee and other necessities so i knew it would be a test in will power.  i’m trying to be good. i’m trying to save my money for an elliptical machine that costs about the same as a compact car.  my usual puppy dog eyes didn’t work with the Brit – he told me to wait till i had the money and then buy it (usually i make him put it on his credit card and pay him back the next month).  boo!  so for two months i have to be really good – no buying my lunch every day if i can help it and no buying shoes / clothes.  when i want to be good and save money,  the urge to buy something is so strong.  and it doesn’t necessarily have to be somthing for me.  i’ll buy any stupid thing to feel better – a new teapot, oven mitts, magnets…anything.  i’m weird like that.  but when i don’t have to save my money,  i don’t ever feel like shopping.  it’s a cruel practical joke that nature plays on me.

sunday, we went to the cinema to watch the Met opera’s documentary called “the audition” which was really good.  i’ve been looking forward to it for weeks now and it didn’t disappoint.  it’s heartbreaking and i should’ve brought some tissues.  it was the usual opera crowd – geriatric and grumpy.  old people are nuts.  i hope i’m like that.  i’m nuts now but have no excuse (except for the fact that everyone around me is stupid).  but when i’m nuts and 80,  my excuse will be that i’m just old and that’s how old people are.  i’ll be the first to stand up at the back of the cinema and shake my fists in the air and complain that i can’t hear anything.  yep, that’ll be me – polyester pants, lavender perfume and tissue tucked into the sleeve of my jacket.  I’ll think all young people are douchebags and i’ll talk incessantly and open candy all during a movie because it’s my time to be nuts.

and that brings us to monday.  my manager told me i have accrued too much leave and is forcing me to take some days off so i don’t carry it all over.  i’m taking random mondays and fridays off so i have long weekends for most of april and may.  i’ve spent the morning planning my leave and avoiding any work that comes my way.  my project management skills are second to none – all of my responses usually end with “seriously, it’ll be faster if you do it yourself.”  see? i’m constantly challenging my colleagues to do better.  one day they’ll thank me.