i need to have whinge.
whinge part I: space invaders
i get into work quite early (around 7.30 most days) which means that i beat the rush of people getting into the office. the building is very quiet and pretty much empty still. when i get on the lift (erm, i mean elevator – please see my post on assimilation) i expect to share it with no more than 2 other people. that was the case yesterday however my companion for our journey up, a cologned-up, spikey haired fool, decided to stand right in front of me (i always claim the back corner so i can slump dejectedly against the wall and reflect on how unfulfilling my job is) – i mean practically on my toes. and it’s not like he didn’t see me – when the doors first opened, he said “after you” and let me get on first. so seriously, what the f**k? i was considering swinging my bag “accidentally” and getting him in the back of the knees but that could have caused him to fall on top of me. and sure, i could have moved to the other side but why should i have to? i was there first! he invaded my space! this seems to be happening to me alot. if i’m on an empty tram, where does the babbling smelly homeless guy decide to sit? yep, you guessed it – next to me. i need to wear a sign that says “does not like others – do not touch.”
whinge part II: umbrella people
today’s weather forecast calls for rain which means everyone will have their flippin’ umbrella with them. fine. i don’t like to get wet either. but there’s got to be some sort of usage guide that comes free with purchase of an umbrella. these rules are essential:
1. If walking down a crowded street with your umbrella – please ensure that no one is behind you when shaking the umbrella of excess water
2. Assess the width of a walkway or entrance and judge whether your umbrella will fit through it while also allowing others to pass through. Proceed through with caution, being careful not to poke anyone’s eye out. An umbrella shouldn’t be a weapon.
3. Do not open your umbrella in an entrance whilst someone is standing next to you.
4. If you are indoors, you don’t need your umbrella.
5. If you are waiting on a crowded train/tram platform please don’t pace up and down the platform waiting for the train. Several eyes may get poked out in the process.
6. When shaking out your umbrella, don’t do it on a crowded lift.
that’s all it takes people. please be a responsible umbrella owner.
two cents