oh lordy, thank goodness it’s friday!

i’m so over this weather. yesterday it got up to 44°C (111°F) and last night at midnight it was still that hot.  i think mother nature has made her point now and can put the sun away for a while.  it’s making me very grouchy and the brit is running out of magic tricks to humour me. i was contemplating wrapping myself in a cold wet sheet and standing in front of the fan for a while.  i told the brit my idea to show him my desparation and the only thing he could say was “will you be naked under the sheet?”.   I don’t think he cares about my plight.  the heat doesn’t bother him at all which bothers me because i feel like i’m being a big loser.   i saw the first sigh of  heat frustration from him though – we opened the window and a nice breeze came through the house and he said oh so quietly “oh thank god!” ha! i’m glad i do not suffer alone.  misery does love company.  (but now that i think about it,  maybe he said “oh thank god” thinking it will cool down for me and i can stop my whining… nah!)

it’s the start of my birthday weekend!  i sent out meeting reminders to some people telling them to buy me pressies.  one of my colleagues actually declined my request.  how cheeky.  i followed it up with hate email.  i have no idea why i’m so excited for my birthday this year – i usually go into hiding and watch “sixteen candles” and cry about how i’ll never be that young again. This year i’m looking forward to it.  it’s been a good year and i want to celebrate.

hope you all have a good weekend too!

flies.

all of the pretty brochures at the travel agent won’t warn you about this upon your visit to australia.  don’t visit australia in the summer months (nov(ish)-feb(ish)) – why?  flies. they suck.  i remember talking to the brit on the phone and he was saying that Australia gets a lot of flies in the summer.  i thought…so what?  we get flies here too.  they’re gross but whatever, they don’t really bother you.

when asked to describe what the flies are like here, i keep remembering an image from my ugly pre-teen years. that was when i bought the Bandaid EP “Do they know it’s christmas?” and the cover had a montage of christmassy things and arranged around pictures of starving ethiopian children with flies sitting at the corners of their eyes. (i’m really dating myself aren’t i??).  so anyway, that’s what it’s like.  they suck! they fly into your ears, try to get into your eyes, your mouth or they just buzz around your head for your entire walk to work.  if you walk down any downtown street on a hot day,  you see everyone waving their hands in front of their faces as they walk to swat the flies away.  perhaps it’s my karma for not sympathising with the hungry ethiopian on my album cover. 

a can of fly spray is usually within arms reach while i’m watching TV.  not only do we have the “save the children” type flies, but we also have these huge ones the size of the Goodyear blimp. They look like wombats with wings.  luckily they tend to leave you alone.

come visit in the winter okay?

boredom.

i had the worst morning ever.  jeez, my job is so pointless.  someone should pay me NOT to work.  that’s how it is somedays – flat out in the mornings and now it’s a complete standstill.  not like i’m complaining. after spending the entire morning putting out fires created by stoopid people, i am SOO not in the mood to do any work.  I’d much rather blog. 

on my way out to lunch,  someone said to me “be careful out there, the sun is hot here.” hmmm, the sun is hot here.  here?  like in australia?  is he implying that the sun is not hot in america?  i mean, i thought the sun was hot everywhere because it’s the sun.  i don’t know.  maybe he knows something i don’t know.  so i smiled at him in a somewhat puzzles/god-you’re-really-dumb sort of way and moved on.  when i got back,  all hot and sweaty,  he took one look at me and said “i told you that sun is hot!” yeah, no shit sherlock.   did this dude live underground for most of his life or what?

though my morning was crap, i did hear a nugget of good news – frenchy guy sitting across from me was arranging flights back to sydney tonight. FINALLY!  i don’t have to listen to him chewing on apples or screaming out “Merde!” every time his computer freezes.  This morning he had some work for me and man, is he ever pushy!  “Ez eet almost done?  I  ave a meeting soon and i need to print it still. ‘urry up!” – all morning.  “oh! i do not like zis picture you ave chosen.  look for another. ‘urry up!”   i wanted to shove a baguette up his ass  – or rip up pieces to put in my ears to drown out the noise.  right now he’s trying to look like he’s reading his presentation but he’s actually asleep. i occasionally drop my stapler or other metal instrument on my desk to startle him.  it’s been my entertainment now for the last half hour.  oh, i’m so mean…i need a hobby or something.

i’m in hell.

well, officially it’s called Australia, but i’m calling it hell because it is so bloody hot.   it’s been in the high 40s and will remain so until the beginning of next week (that’s 100+ degrees for non metric minded).  i stupidly decided to take a walk to the vegetarian restuarant for lunch which seemed like a good idea at the time because i was still cold from the office and it was a downhill walk.  but let me tell you people, walking uphill for a block in a suit and high heels is NOT fun.  i almost called it quits halfway back up and was ready to hail a taxi.  so now i’m back at my desk – hot, sweaty, probably smelly and very grouchy.  why do people live in this country?

let’s fight.

i was reading a post on making marriages work and that got me thinking about me and the Brit.

We don’t fight.  We never fight. And I don’t think that’s normal. But having been in a relationship in the past where it was abnormal to NOT fight,  maybe my definition is a bit skewed.

We disagree about a lot of things but it never gets to the point where we’re arguing. I’ve actually never seen him angry or heard him raise his voice. He’s incredibly patient which is a trait i sorely lack.   i honestly don’t know how he puts up with my lazy ass but he does without complaint.  now that’s love.

so anyway, i was having a “moment” and decided we needed to have our first fight. he was sitting on our couch reading and i was bored and said “let’s have a fight”

“why?”

“because we haven’t had one yet and we’ve known each other for years and i don’t think that’s normal”

“i think that’s good”

“i don’t care. let’s fight and get it over with”

“okay. i think your second toe looks like an alien”

“i think it does too. choose something else”

“um okay. you’re a nerd.”

“no i’m not”

“yes you are”

“no i’m not”

“yes you are”

“this is dumb.  i’m done with fighting with you. let’s watch TV”

“okay”

right, so our first fight is out of the way.  i feel so normal now.

i’m here to help you.

i’m in the middle of going through a gigantic pile of CVs and so far I’ve rejected all of them.  With the current financial crisis, many people will be looking for a new job. here’s a list  don’ts when it comes to submitting your CV (these observations are based on the ones i have rejected so far).  i thought many of these were a given,  but apparently it needs to be said. (these are probably the same people that need an umbrella usage guide).

• If english is not your first language, don’t give it away in your cover letter by saying “i’m learning english and am almost fluent” or use sentences like ”Furthermore, I am keenness in learning and committed to superior.” 
• I suggest PDFing your CV.  However, if sending a Word document in which you used tracked changes,  please delete all tracked changes.  I don’t like to see that under “Personal Attributes” (which, by the way, is really not necessary in a resume), that you originally had “hardworking and honest” listed but later deleted them.  It will make me wonder.
• For references,  don’t do this:
  “Jane Doe, current position: my aunt”
• “making friends” is not a hobby and really shouldn’t be listed under Relevant Experience
• Word art will get you rejected right away.  please see example (i shit you not, people think this will get them an interview)

• Always use spell check. ”I have strong attention to detal”  what?
• I’m sure it scored you huge points in the underage chat rooms, but you should really have an email more professional than donkeydick@blahblah.com.  another good one is hairlesswonder@blahblah.com.  wow, really sounding professional.  i wonder why they haven’t been snatched up yet.
• I don’t care about awards you won…in primary school
• “able to be at work on time” shouldn’t be part of your skill set
• Don’t cite this as a reason for leaving your last job “Fight” and then leave it at that (leaving me to think that you have anger issues). In fact, don’t mention it at all.
• Probably not good to talk about your Visa situation and how you would like to stay in the country
• When discussing your skill level at certain applications,  saying “my manager at my last job thinks my skills are excellent” doesn’t really count towards anything
• You don’t need a cover page for your cover letter that says “COVER LETTER” in really big letters along with a cover page for your CV which says “RESUME” in really big letters.  The only thing worse would be Word Art.

Where do these people come from?  It’s like god shook the rug out and all the stupid people landed at my feet.

baby talk (conversations with my mother).

being the wonderful, dutiful daughter that i am, i made my weekly phone call to my parents this past weekend.  we end up talking about the same things – the weather (crap there, hot here), my job (yes i still have one), my wifely duties (yes, i do the dishes and cook…sometimes),  etc.

i non-chalantly mentioned to my mother about our romantic getaway at the end of march for our anniversary  and she slipped in that it sounded like the right environment for making her some grandbabies. ugh. i cut short the conversation with a “we’ll see” and left it at that. telling her that we’re planning on getting a dog instead will not make it better.  she already has three by my oh-so-fertile sister and i think that is quite enough.

and i’m only bringing this up because every female in my firm is either preggers, wanting to get preggers or just popped one out.  talk about drinking the kool-aid. of course everyone is expecting me to be next. um…no.  and then i get the look of shock and dismay when i tell them that i don’t want children. then the question i hate “don’t you like children?” um…no.  i have nothing against breeding and those that want to do it. more power to you! and i absolutely adore my sister’s children (in fact, they get the best christmas gifts out of everyone i buy for).  i just wasn’t born with a maternal bone in my body.  i sound like i’m calling my dog when i’m telling my niece to come sit by me.   and when she does, i pat her on the head and say she’s a good girl.  how is that motherly?

children and babies make me uncomfortable.  the Brit and I went around to a friend’s house for dinner about a year ago. They had just had a baby and the other one was just starting to crawl around. Much to our “delight”, they let the older one crawl around the lounge while we sat there,  cooing over how big he’s gotten.  i couldn’t cope. The brit and I sat on the couch, watching where the little one would venture off to next.  my knuckles were white from gripping on his arm. when i saw him making his way towards us, i put my foot on the coffee table across from us thus creating a barrier so he couldn’t crawl through and touch us. it was cruel and unusual punishment and the only thing that made for it was the delicious dinner.

in my experience, little children are loud, can’t speak in cohesive sentences, are always sticky (substances not always known), they cry a lot, and no matter how many times they get a bath, they always smell like food.  they also seem to always grab onto my hair or my ears and want to poke my eyes out with their fingers. not cool. 

my mother says that it’ll be different with our own kid, that i won’t feel the same disdain/discomfort/wanting-to-runaway feeling with one of my own.  but how?  will my kid poop gold? will it get a job the minute it’s out of the womb to help cover the extra expense? but in reality, i can barely take care of myself.  i can’t even keep our plant alive.  and i don’t want to share my wii, i don’t want to lessen my shoe budget, and the thought of being fat for 9 months is definitely not appealing (not to mention the other “perks” of pregnancy).   i also like my sleep and i hear you don’t get a lot of that once you have babies.  I also believe in karma. and based on my behaviour as a child,  my child would be a holy terror.  oooh, i could hear my mother’s words after i crashed the car “wait till you have a child of your own!” ha, not going to happen.

do i sound cold?  i mean, that’s why i’m not having babies.  and the brit isn’t too keen on kids either. the ladies here make me feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting to have kids – like i’m less of a woman (but i have the shoe collection to prove otherwise!).

back from a long weekend.

so that weekend wasn’t really long. it went by much too quickly.  i think saying it’s a long weekend is misleading.  it was lovely nonetheless spent doing a lot of nothing.  i think i managed to stay in my pyjamas for the entirety of it (save for the one day two days i decided to work out in which i changed into workout clothes for 45 minutes).  we watched a lot of bad movies and i tended to steve the gardenia.  the brit says he’s looking better – starting to bud and sprout new leaves, but i’m skeptical.  steve better get a job because he owes me $30. this upcoming weekend is going to be busy with my birthday and the many surprises i expect to come with it so it was nice to have a quiet one.

 

others.

yes another peeve of mine. on my lunch break, i took a stroll down to the italian bakery to pick up some friday treats for my staff. i was stuck behind this woman who not only walked really slow, but also refused to walk in a straight line.  She meandered her way lazily down the street and i couldn’t pass her.  i’d start to cut left and she would go left, i’d try to pass on the right and there she was again!  what the crap?

and then on my way back, i encountered a group of 4 people who decided to take over the width of the sidewalk, not even being kind enough to bunch up enough to let me pass.  how rude!

people amaze me every day.  everyone was using the printer by me today and i asked someone why.  “it’s been broken since yesterday.  there’s an error message.” what was the error message?  LOAD PAPER.  i thought i worked with smart people – the cream of the crop.  i spent half an hour arguing with someone about a map i had drawn for them. they said i coloured pakistan the wrong colour.  “um no i didn’t, i just checked what i sent you.  check again.”  but they insisted it was wrong so i walked over to her desk to find out what the deal was.  do you know she got pakistan mixed up with taiwan? i-work-with-f**king-idiots.  repeat that at least 50 times a day and you’ll get an idea of how my job is. 

i’m so glad it’s a long weekend.  i need to get away from others.

australia day.

today is friday and what makes it even better is that it’s a long weekend. monday is australia day.  according to wikipedia, australia day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet in 1788, marking the start of british colonisation of australia.

what were they colonising australia with?  criminals of course-  a lovely penal colony far enough away from the motherland.  how nice.

well, like all good holidays, i’m going to forget about the true meaning,  have a cocktail (or two), eat fattening food and enjoy the day off.