there is no way i’m telling frenchy sitting across from me where a patisserie is. he’s the loudest chewer ever. and he chews with his mouth open. get some manners dude.
Archive for December, 2008
the Brit has cleverly put my xmas pressies in plain sight but in a spot i can’t reach – even if i have a chair, even if i pull the kitchen table over and put a chair on top of that (yep, i tried it). how cruel is that?! I’ve been staring at them all weekend, just dying to give them a little shake, peel off the tape on the sides so i can get a glimpse of what’s underneath the paper. i tried to broker a deal with my loving husband. I told him that i would tell him what one of his gifts was if he told me one thing he got me. didn’t work. I tried reaching the boxes with a coat hanger but i almost got caught. i tried bribing our friend the Kiwi who moved in with us this weekend (and who happens to be quite tall) to get the boxes down for me. “i just want to shake it” i say. but he says i have to wait until christmas day. boo. i’ve exhausted all of my options. so not fair. the brit told me that it takes more calories to pout than it does to smile so if that is the case, then i’ll be model thin by the time christmas rolls around.
saturday was our big company christmas party. we probably should have thought to take a picture before walking to the party in a torrential downpour (and no umbrella) and before the four of us drank about 8 bottles of champagne. it was a good night… the next morning – not so much.
last night was our office christmas party. some key moments (i’m too hungover to write a proper post so you get bullet points)
- i was not the drunk asshole – though early on i thought i was in the running. Thank goodness for people who drink faster than me
- the head of our division decides to come talk to us when i’m pretty tipsy. perfect timing as always. lucky i could still edit my thoughts because the only thing i could think to say was that i couldn’t feel my tongue anymore. i chose to not say anything
- i left shortly after that
- a PA told me she wanted to be my friend and hang out (but in a stalker way) and i, being drunk, happily obliged. i’m hoping she doesn’t remember that convo. but seeing as though she pulled a sicky today, i think i’m okay.
- the party moved on to the karaoke bar. i heard it got messy. i’m so glad i went home. i lose respect for my colleagues when i see them singing (badly singing) James Taylor “Fire and Rain” whilst doing the rocker fist pump with eyes closed.
- i think i need a big mac for lunch or something equally as bad
christmas is so weird here. no snow. it doesn’t get dark until 9pm. hot. it doesn’t seem right. i think my office likes to give the illusion of a wintery christmas by keeping the temperature in the office at just below freezing. they pipe christmas music in the lifts so i get to listen to “rudolph the red-nosed reindeer” ten different ways every day. and then i step outside and have to swat the flies, dig thru my bag to find my sunnies whilst trying to peel off my cardigan because it’s so hot. we’re not even bothering to get a tree. i’m used to real ones and i think everyone here just gets a nice fake plastic one which i can’t be bothered with. bah humbug. i vowed earlier this year that i would “get into the spirit.” not happening. so it’s just another day off from work – which is good enough for me. however i’m sticking to the holiday tradition that i do best – shopping.
tonight is our office xmas party. i probably should have gotten more than 5 hours sleep to be in top form but there’s nothing you can do when you’re rocking out on Guitar Hero to Bon Jovi “livin’ on a prayer” til the wee hours. yeah, seriously, that game is fun. i feel like such a rock star. i’m ready to go on tour… or busk in the train station. so anyway, the office party. i’m sorta looking forward to it but also just want to go home after work and sleep. i’m hedging my bets on one of the new analysts being the drunk asshole this year. hopefully someone brings a camera.
merry christmas.
i can finally write in peace. there was a visitor from our sydney office sitting directly across from me. not only did he look like Isaac from “children of the corn” but he was french and really loud and he kept asking me questions that i didn’t know the answer to (not once did “turn it off then turn it back on” seem like the appropriate response). he asked me where a patisserie was…wtf? i directed him to the 7-11 across the streeet where they have fresh-from -the microwave meat pies. he’s finally gone home to sydney and i can sit here in blissful quiet. phew.
and…i have nothing to say. what am i like?
i can’t believe i didn’t think to tell you guys about this one.
so, i took the tram home yesterday after work – yes lazy ass, i didn’t want to walk home. i know i should walk but i had to lug home the Brit’s pressie.
the tram was just getting busy so there weren’t a lot of seats to spare. i had the option of sitting next to these people:
- business man listening to bon jovi really loud on his ipod and singing along
- angry looking Goth boy
- older woman wearing a cardigan with skull and crossbones design all over it (yeah, apparently they sell them somewhere)
- stinky-looking (probably stinky in actuality but i wasn’t going to see) obnoxious homeless-looking dude who’s muttering to his invisible mate about something
yes, so i decide to stand. the first two stops are uneventful. ho hum, i’m looking ahead trying to will the tram to go faster. then you hear it. the unmistakable sound of someone passing wind. goth boy snickers a bit, bon jovi has his headphones on too loud and doesn’t hear – i think he’s about to do an air guitar. skull and crossbones just looks disgusted. i don’t really care – i just want to get home but i pull a face of disgust so people don’t think it’s me. stinky dude stands up, grabs the ass of his pants and says “whoops, that’s a bummer!” a bummer? if that happened to me, that’d be a f*cking tragedy and i would never be able to ride public transport again or leave my house for fear of someone recognising me as “that lady that pooped her pants on the tram.” and then he starts pacing up and down the aisle of the tram – carefully lifting each leg up before setting it down again. i can’t look…but i have to, i’m sick like that. then the tram begins to smell. bon jovi takes his headphones off and asks if any of us smell something. we all look at him in this “how the f*ck could you not have noticed?” sort of way. at the next stop, we all get off and stinky stays on. skull and crossbones lady’s eyes are watering. i think goth boy’s mascara is starting to run.
i knew i should have walked home.
p.s. i’m leaving now. on the tram. ha! (it’s raining!)
i wore a coat into work today and it’s colder now at 3 in the afternoon than it was at 7am when i was walking in. what the crap? if i knew i would have to wear tights to work, i wouldn’t have bothered to shave my legs this morning.
so i gave the Brit part one of his xmas pressie. i got him Guitar Hero for wii and another game. he loved it. now i have to think about part two – and this time i won’t give it to him until the day. i’m really crap at keeping pressies a secret. i’m so thrilled i found something that i just want to give it the person straightaway.
another slow day at the office which means i’m on the huffington post getting my news when this headline catches my eyes: “3 charred monkeys found in luggage at airport.” my brain was just swirling with images of little charred monkeys frozen in poo-throwing position in a pompeiian sort of way. it was just some dude from another country carrying some “exotic” meats from his homeland. how disappointing. and how is that news??
ah, monday. that should say it all.
the weekend was good. it started off a bit tenuously as i started spiralling down a grouchy/pms/i’m-fat/i-have-nothing-to-wear/you-don’t-love-me-enough/i’m-hungy hyper emotional vortex which was thankfully diverted by an almond croissant, a cup of coffee and a good talking to by the Brit. I’m not going to create any crap theories about this one – like i’m depressed, bi-polar or just mentally unstable – because it is what it is. i was just f**king moody and i get like that once in a great while. It’s like i stand outside myself and watch it all unfold – each psychotic, tearful layer reveals itself and i just cringe and try to make it stop. it’s all quite ridiculous and i truly think the Brit has to try to contain his laughter because it is so utterly silly. after i’m done ranting, i feel sheepish and quickly try to divert our attentions to something else. luckily i didn’t i have to try too hard to find something else to think about – we had an opera to go to!
We were seeing The Damnation of Faust at the cinema and i’ve been really looking forward to this. Off we went, no rain this time and my foul mood had dissipated by 10am so i didn’t really complain that much about getting out of my pajamas on a saturday morning. The opera was brilliant. everything about it was fantastic. Definitely one of my favourites. The seniors were in top form for this one – it’s odd to walk into a movie theatre and not smell popcorn but Vicks and butter menthols instead. And while many of my bingo squares were covered, i didn’t get them all. there’s always the next one!
watched 8 more episodes of house on sunday. we’re almost done with season 3. how good are we?
oh, and xmas season is officially upon us (though the shops figured it started in october!). i’m at a loss as to what to get the Brit for his pressie. time to put my thinking cap on – time is running out.
finally! god, i love friday.
i’m on my own tonight. the Brit has his company xmas party 12-5pm. he thinks it’ll go beyond that but i dunno. my work thing isn’t til next week (we have two!) and i’m quite looking forward to it. the first one will be a big sloppy drinkfest after work. the second one is a more formal affair at the museum and i’m allowed to bring a date (ooh, guess who i’m bringing!)
i was reading in the news about this guy, wanting to propose to his girlfriend, took her on a romantic stroll on the coast. the tide came in and swept her away. how tragic is that? i was lamenting the loss of my last peanut M&M this morning as it fell out of my fingers and down the escalator. i told a colleague how annoyed i was. man, after reading this story, i feel like a dick. fairdinkum.
in other news, i heard that my company just slashed 10% of its workforce on tuesday. i was wondering why people were looking so down in the dumps. merry christmas, eh? i think i’m fairly safe where i am so i’m not worried. it’s happening all around now. it’s scary to think about but it’ll turn around.
and lastly, my neck hurts because i slept on it funny a couple night ago. i’m walking around with my head cocked to one side. i must look like such an ass, especially when at my desk typing away on my computer. i was thinking of using it as an excuse not to work out tonight but i already did that yesterday. i’m so bad.
i had a theory yesterday that if i wore actual work out clothes whilst doing wii fit (as opposed to my pajamas), my scores would be so much better. i was excited to go home after work and test it out.
i finally unearthed a stretchy tight workout top from underneath my pile of clothes i never wear. i was horrified when it was a bit difficult to put on. the obvious theory here is that i’ve put on a bit of weight since i last wore it but i went with the far more complimentary one of a late puberty spurt (late by about 15 years) and somehow my boobs got bigger. yeah, one of those theories is more crap than the other but i’ll let you guess which one.
once (snugly) outfitted, i went upstairs to get started. after the first couple of exercises, i realised that it makes no difference what i’m wearing, i still can’t balance on one leg for a minute without bracing myself on something to keep my balance. i did better on the hula hoop part but i’ve seen a woman on the telly doing a hula hoop in a glittery leotard and pink stilettos so i’m not attributing the change in attire to a better end result.
i have taken up running again…and walking to work. when the weather gets warmer, the tram gets stinkier with sweaty people. so i am on a fitness spurt again…though i never really got off the last one, it just never really translated to physical movement on my part (but the thoughts were always there!).
two cents